The Mock Dock

I would have the BIGGEST BOOBS EVER, you guys.

I’m just saying.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video clip, about a hi-tech mirror thingy that is basically like a giant hanging mirror ipad, and I know I was supposed to watch it and think “How cool!” but I ended up watching and thinking, “HOLY CRAP is there no escape from information EVER?”

I’m already way too “plugged in.” Between my laptop, my iphone, facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. etc. etc., it’s already difficult to just disconnect. And the last place I want to deal with technology is in my bathroom or bedroom when I’m trying to determine whether my assular area looks too fat in a pair of jeans.

The only way I would want this techno-mirror is if it could TELL me, outright, if my assular area looked too fat in a pair of jeans. If I could show my assular area to it, and it could make an honest assessment, I might be tempted. But to check the weather or flight information or get text messages? I think I’ll just use the smartphone that’s generally sitting on the counter under my mirror ANYWAY, because I’m hopelessly connected all the time.

There really can be too much of a good thing.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video of a bicycle air bag thingy that looks kinda awesome because it seems to, you know, work and stuff. I don’t know how they made it so it doesn’t strangle you at the same time, but they appeared to have done just that and I can see where it’d be really useful.

But what’s hilarious is that instead of focusing on the safety factor, they’re trying to sell it as a FASHION STATEMENT. FOR REAL. Look!

I’m sorry, but if you’re one of those people who needs to look fashionable ON A BIKE, then I’m pretty sure we couldn’t be friends. When I ride a bike, and I don’t even ride the kind with the clippy pedals or anything, I look HORRIBLE. Because I’m generally sweating and doing it for exercise and whatnot. I don’t make it a habit of wearing a freaking BLACK COCKTAIL DRESS to ride a bike.

Discuss.

This seems to be a product the girls could use on their trip to Vegas.

Has anyone ever experienced any of these side effects?

You TOO can grow phallic peppers.

I have this unfortunate characteristic whereby I seem to gravitate towards things which are expensive. I love expensive shoes, and expensive purses, and expensive clothes, and expensive electronics, and expensive cars, and basically all expensive stuff. Seeing as how I have this OTHER unfortunate characteristic whereby I generally can’t afford expensive things, this can be problematic. But I am happy to report that I was appropriately MORTIFIED when I saw this picture of a catalog item:

That’s in a catalog of Very Expensive Items, apparently.  It looks like it came out of a Salvation Army REJECT dumpster.  If I tried to give a shirt like that to Goodwill, they would laugh at me.  And yet there it is, in a fancy expensive catalog.  And you wanna know how much it is?  LOOK:

It’s SIXTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS, you guys.  For a barely wearable t-shirt.  I fully admit to my love for expensive stuff, but THIS IS INSANE.  I wouldn’t spend a DIME over $900 for it.

…I’m going to need some clapping hair.

It might seem silly, but this is just one of those things I’m POSITIVE would come in handy at some point in the future.

I was really starting to wonder when we’d finally have access to a King Jong Il tongue scraper.

I totally want to try this, even though it’s inappropriate, because I am SO CURIOUS what a refreshingly delicious cat drink would taste like.

I don’t even wanna THINK about the people who are going to find The Mock Dock now that there’s a “pussy pop” tag here.

HI PERVS!