The Mock Dock

Look. I get being afraid of snakes. I’m afraid of snakes. But her reaction to this snake is like the most out of control over the top reaction ever. And how about instead of nearly stabbing the person next to you with your stilettos, you take off your shoes and just, you know, RUN.

Salma, you disappoint me. First you’re best friends with Ashley Judd, and now you’re a drama queen about snakes.

Not cool.

I’m going to assume that this gentleman is not following his company’s dress code, and that this is, in fact, a safety violation of some sort.

Although, those ARE closed-toed shoes.   So perhaps I’m wrong.

I didn’t think it was possible for a pair of shoes to go with nothing AND absolutely everything all at the same time.

I cannot TAKE how fabulous David and Victoria are. And look at my Victoria looking so proper and stylish and totally fabulous in the audience. She is SO UBER FABULOUS.

I cannot stand the women of The View, but Sheri Shepherd’s shoes are TO DIE FOR.

The only thing I would change about the Beckhams is I would lower David’s voice about an octave. He would be complete, total perfection with a lower voice. But even still, the whole story he tells about meeting Victoria, with her looking on from the audience all giddy and girly and bashful, makes me want to totally be ADOPTED by them, even though I’m like a decade older than they are.

I love them SO MUCH.

What possible fashion statement would someone wearing these be trying to make?  I mean, I get it if you’re identity-confused and currently undergoing treatment to become a goat.  But outside of that, I don’t get this.

…when applying flip flops requires serious effort.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent this to me, and I don’t know about you all, but I found myself totally cheering this dude on. I was watching it going, “You can do it. OH! So close. Ok…ok….you got it….” and so on. I love SO MUCH how in the middle of it he was all, “Heeey ladies…” and hit on some girls before he went back to the arduous task of putting on his own shoes.

Ahhh. Drunk people. So entertaining.

I’ve seen tons of photos of these types of backwards shoes, but what I haven’t seen is VIDEO.  What I want to see is video of someone, say, jogging in them.  Or at least walking briskly.

I have to assume that Mischa has a mirror, located somewhere in or around the general vicinity of the place in which she resides.

I mean, that’s a realistic assumption for a celebrity, isn’t it?

Wow.  This is totally heinous.

Speaking of which, I wore a pair of white jeans to my parents’ for Easter, and from the front when I looked in the mirror, I thought, “Yeah – I look decent.”  But then my dad sent me a picture from that day in which the back of me was photographed, and I was MORTIFIED by the size of my assular area.  I resolved right then and there to never wear those jeans again without some sort of longish shirt on.

So what I’m saying, is that I’m trying to do Mischa Barton a public service here.  Perhaps she just didn’t realize what her backside would look like, and if she just sees this picture, she’ll make the wise decision of never ever ever ever wearing these bananapants again.

Then again, that doesn’t explain the shoes.  She definitely would have seen those if she’d looked in a mirror.

Which brings me full circle, because Mischa Barton should not be allowed to dress herself.

I mean, obviously those shoes don’t match the jacket.

I immediately zoned in on the shoes, and tried to decide whether or not I liked them.

I mean, I completely overlooked the fact that she’s got her naked assular area on a copier.  I noticed that AFTER THE SHOES.

That has to say something about me, but I’m not sure what.  Especially since I still haven’t made up my mind about the shoes.

Thoughts?

I’m catching some stupid cold, mockdockers, which is timely considering I leave for DC on Sunday.  Perhaps the same landbeast karma which has crashed my laptop is also infecting me with some stupid cold.  I’m sure it’ll kick in full blast riiiiight when I’m about to board the plane.  Yippee!

Heading to bed now.  Hoping to be back on my A-game tomorrow by evening time.  Amuse yourselves in the meantime, and try to send me healthy karma that cancels out the landbeast karma.