The Mock Dock

DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS last night? I love this gay boy version of Teenage Dream SO MUCH I can hardly stand it.

Totally downloading from iTunes. LOVE.

Because, if you are, I have a sure fire fix for that.

I got a hilarious email from an alert and astute mockdocker this morning which read, in part, as follows:

“I saw the entry about the woman who eats toilet paper…and I couldn’t stop laughing because last year, when I was procrastinating at school, I was looking up youtube videos of the Tyra Show (because, honestly, it can be so ridiculous that you can’t stop watching) and I came upon that same episode about the weird eating habits, and I have to say, the woman eating the toilet paper isn’t even the WORST guest. Now normally when I share a video with people, I say: Enjoy! But I guess that doesn’t really apply in this case, haha.”

She’s right. Toilet paper is basically a total delicacy compared to this insanity:

I love how Tyra asks towards the end, “So, are you dating someone right now?” And the chick says no, and Tyra is all, “Ok we’ll be right back.” Awwwwwkward.

Did you guys catch the premiere of Sister Wives earlier this week? The reality show about the dude in Utah (of course) with 3 wives, who’s about to add a fourth?

I loved the show, in much the same way as I enjoy any freak show. Like the shows about people who are covered with hair, or about people who only eat french fries, or Hoarders. I love them all.

The women on Sister Wives seemed surprisingly well-adjusted and, you know, normal. This is, of course, why they were chosen for a reality show. Because we, the audience, are expected to think, “Oh look! This is totally working for them, and so we should just consider this a normal, regular thing and accept it.”

I’ll admit it. There were moments where I thought, “Well, sure. They seem like lovely people who are making a very unusual situation work for them.” But then afterwords I found myself thinking, “This is wack. Not to mention, you know, illegal and stuff.”

And now, according to this, they’re being investigated by the police. The family says, “We are di$appointed in the announcement of an inve$tigation, but when we decided to do thi$ $how, we knew there would be ri$k$. But for the $ake of our family, and mo$t importantly, our kid$, we felt it wa$ a ri$k worth taking.”

Yes. It’s ALWAYS good for kids to have a home filled with tv crews and cameras. Don’t you see how they HAD TO DO THIS? FOR THE CHILDREN????

Don’t you?

Because HELLO:

It’s Glee. Plus Britney.

GLITNEY.

I’ll catch you guys afterwords.

Cher, at 64, can still totally rock her Turn Back Time outfit.  I think this is assless, but I’m not certain.  Regardless, she looks amazing.  I know she’s been sliced into more than 100 Honeybaked Hams, but still.  Job well done, plastic surgeons.

And Lady Gaga wore a dress and shoes made from raw meat.  You know, because of how much she wants to SHOCK everyone.

Yawn.

…two girls that you’re going to intensely dislike.

I actually am not entirely sure who the purple dress judge is either (a Minogue maybe?) but Cheryl Cole is seriously one of the most gorgeous women walking the planet currently. Total girl crush on her.

I kid. There might have been other exciting stuff. But this probably tops anything Actually Tennis related.

Apparently, this tool was throwing the f-bomb around like it was the word “and” and the woman near him didn’t appreciate it, said as much, and then chaos ensued. The result? The most interesting few minutes of a tennis game I’ver personally ever witnessed.

In case you missed it:

LOVE. The only way this could have been improved would have been for Jimmy Fallon to pull Courtney Cox out of the audience to do the white man’s dance at the end.

Snooki, and every single one of her castmates on that trainwreck of a show, Jersey Shore.  She’s a short, trashy looking square-bodied skank.  And that’s me feeling particularly generous talking.

You know else isn’t particularly attractive?  These people:

…an 18 year old feels like she needs Botox.

According to this, that adorable teenage singer Charice Pempengco from the Philippines is going to guest star on Glee, and has undergone an “anti-aging procedure” along with Botox injections so that she will “look fresh on camera.”

This chick got that stuff called Thermage, which is SUPPOSED to be for older, wrinklier women. Charice said, about her “preparations” – “All people will be anticipating how will Charice look? Is she good enough to pit against Rachel Berry? So of course there is tremendous pressure.”

HOW SAD IS THAT, you guys? I mean, really – it’s just SAD.

I swear, a couple decades from now it will be unacceptable to look 15. Models will have to look, say, 8 or 9 TOPS in order to have any success whatsoever.

HATE.