The Mock Dock

Britney Spears remains perpetually incapable of dressing herself.

I would have been PISSED if I’d been seated behind Lady Gaga and she’d obstructed my view with her pathetic attempts to outdo her own previous stupid outfits.

The more Adam Lambert fusses with his hair, and the more make-up he applies, the more he looks like a vampire.

Anyone watch?  What were the best/worst moments?

Adam McDyingCat Lambert was really awful at the AMA’s. I didn’t watch it live, but this is just a shrieky, provocative-for-provocative’s-sake horrible performance of a horrible terrible awful song.

HATE.

I took a listen to Adam Lambert’s single, and the conclusion I’ve come to about it is that he has officially replaced George Michael.

Your thoughts?

P.S. The Standard Glambert Yowl begins at minute 2.40.

It’s a good thing Adam Lambert came out as a gay dude in Rolling Stone magazine a few months ago, because otherwise I would have NO IDEA which team he plays on.   Particularly after seeing this album cover, which is so incredibly ambiguous with respect to his sexuality.

You’d think he could be a little louder and prouder about his gayness, instead of keeping it so subtle.  Sheesh.

BEHOLD: Adam Lambert’s interview on 20/20.

You know what? I will probably never ever buy a CD of his, but I LIKE him. I don’t like his dying cat shriek, or the fact that he ends nearly every song he ever sings the same way, but I really LIKE him. He’s a smart, well-spoken, knows-who-he-is guy, and I like him. And I totally LOVE his mom. I loved his coming out story, and her role in it.

So there it is. I like him.

And you know who else I love? John Stossel. Every last word he says is super exaggerated and I LOVE that.

LOVE.

You guys – it turns out, in a curious twist of fate, that Adam Lambert might be gay. BEHOLD:  Adam stepping out with his boytoy. 

And to think.  This whole time I’ve been completely SURE he was straight.  Never once did I question his sexuality.  I mean, lots of straight guys wear make-up and platform shoes and make out with other guys.  Right?

They do, right?

YOU GUYS. Adam Lambert used to be blond. And fresh-faced. And tolerable. And like he could be a Backstreet Boy (insert any number of gay jokes here).

I almost second guessed whether or not this was actually HIM several times while watching this, until the end, when his now-infamous screech started.

Clay Aiken shared his thoughts about this year’s Idol on his website, and it turns out, he’s not all that fond of Adam Lambert:

“Now that it’s all over, and for the record…. I couldn’t be happier about the way AI ended this year. I only turn the show on once a season, and only to see what the set looks like each year. This year, I happened to turn it during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing “Ring of Fire” and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful, and slightly frightening! I wasn’t really a fan and found myself surprised whenever folks told me that they liked him. Granted, I never saw another performance (and many folks who I trust said that he was great) but I can’t imagine I would have enjoyed it. Just not my cup of tea at all. To each his own.”

Discuss.

Oh, and P.S. – it’s being reported that Kris won by kind of a lot!  Like – it wasn’t even a close finish or anything!  I feel vindicated, somehow.

Ryan looks positively RABID in this photo. Like he’s looking at Kris Allen’s earlobe, and thinking it looks really tasty, and he’s going in for a bite.

LOVE.

Here’s the thing.  You’re going to hear all sorts of nonsense today from all sorts of sources that the reason Adam Lambert didn’t win American Idol is because he’s gay.

That’s completely stupid.  Adam is a totally polarizing person, but I don’t think it has anything to do with his gayness.  I think it has to do with the fact that some people think he sounds like a dying cat.  Count me in that camp of people.  That said, I think he has piles more vocal ability than the other dude who won.  It’s just that those particular piles are not piles that I actually want to listen to on a regular basis.

I didn’t vote for Kris, because I didn’t vote for anyone.  I make it a practice not to actually vote for anyone on American Idol, because that would require effort, and I only watch American Idol so that I can zone out and not do anything for an hour or two.  But if I HAD voted, I probably would have voted for Freaky McDeadCat Boy, because I think he’s more talented, and I feel like American Idol is a talent show.

I suspect that Adam’s going to have loads more success than Kris will, because Kris, while a nice singer and all, just isn’t all that interesting.  Adam is interesting, I’ll give him that. 

But the whole gay thing?  No.  I don’t buy it.  He lost NOT because he’s gay, but because he’s just plain annoying to people.

Thoughts?