God I hate Mariah Carey. And you know what I especially hate? The way she points and flutters her hand around her own face when she sings, as if she’s conducting herself. And when she goes for the high notes, she points up, as if to say, “Observe commoners - as I reach high notes right in front of you.” I hate her SO MUCH. And you know what else I hate? The fact that Paula Abdul wore an entire bouquet of flowers around her neck last night. What was that about?
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I am pretty sure that this evening’s edition of American Idol was created specifically to see how much Mariah Carey I could withstand before taking my own life. And I’m happy to report that I’m still here. BUT BARELY. Jump in to read about the show. Continue reading ‘The Top 7 With Mariah Carey’
This photo is floating around of Jason Castro, in which he looks as though he might potentially possibly perhaps participate in some recreational drug usage. OMG OMG OMG!!!
Seriously - is anyone really surprised at this? Jason Castro seems not only like he might take a hit every now and then, but he seems perpetually high. I can’t recall an episode of American Idol in which he did NOT appear to be totally wasted.
Stay tuned until the next shocking allegation in which it will be revealed that Ryan Seacrest might be GAY.
America - you’re going to keep Kristy McStupidStance and get rid of the awesome aussie? Really? Well, you suck, America. I hope Michael Johns totally goes all Daughtry on your asses.
Click through the jump to read about the performances tonight! Continue reading ‘The Top Eight’
I guess that this whole big American Idol charity show taped last night, and part of it involved a performance by Ann Wilson of Heart, one of the best female vocalists ever, and Fergie, one of the best female impersonators ever.
Since there was absolutely no way for Fergie to shine in under these singing circumstances, it looks as though she busted out some acrobatics during the performance, in order to maintain some semblance of relevance. I guess we’ll see for ourselves when the show airs.
Elliott Yamin’s mom, the cutest monkeymom ever, died last night at age 65. I never even got the chance to put her in my pocket or anything. Sigh.
Anyway, click through the jump to read about the top nine contestants. Continue reading ‘Top Nine - And A Quick Tribute To Monkey Mom’
Did you ever come across a photo that you thought was completely retarded and yet at the same time, you wanted to share it with the world?
Well, welcome to my Monday evening.
Review of the top 10 - after the jump. Continue reading ‘The Top 10′
Ok - so even though Holmes already did a Holmes-style recap, I feel a responsibility to the 3 readers we have who might actually have an interest in an honest-to-goodness performance analysis. So here goes. Continue reading ‘American Idol Recap - Mockarena Style’
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