I take personal offense to these ridiculous dresses. There is absolutely no reason for anyone, especially someone as hot as Angelina Jolie, to wear dresses that look like really bad curtains. There is a difference between looking pleasantly maternal and looking like you’re wearing a parachute.
Stop it, Angelina. I beg you.
According to this, Jennifer Aniston is going to write a book revealing all sorts of juicy-ness about her marriage to Brad and their subsequent break-up, and Brad’s subsequent transformation into Angelina Jolie’s boyfriend/spermbank.
This could be veeerrrrrry interesting. Even though it’s like the oldest news ever.
Because no one in Hollywood has an ounce of originality anymore, there are reports that Jessica Alba is expecting twins. And so is Jennifer Lopez. And Angelina Jolie. There is NO WAY Scientology will allow Katie Holmes to NOT become pregnant with twins now.
Being sickeningly gorgeous and gag-aliciously affectionate with one another are Angelina Jolie and man-mate Brad Pitt at the SAG awards. She’s wearing a tent, which you can’t really see in this photo because I chose to sicken you with their undying love for each other instead of showing you the dress, but let’s just say this - it did NOTHING to dispel the pregnant-with-twins rumor.
Not only is Angelina Jolie pregnant again, as is the majority of Hollywood, but sources report that she’s expecting twins. Angelina is not about to be upstaged by all those celebrities who are only pregnant with one measly kid.
TMZ is reporting that Pam Anderson is pregnant. Which will complicate her current divorce proceedings (assuming that Rick Solomon is the father).
It’s times like these when I just have to sit back and give quiet thanks to celebrities like Pam who provide me with endless opportunities to mock. (Except you, Angelina. I’m still waiting for you to screw up again. I’m watching you.)
Dear Angelina: Remember back in the day when you carried Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a vial around your neck? And when you would have sex with him in the limo on the way to award shows and brag to interviewers about it? And when you made out with your brother wearing a ridiculous goth outfit that made you look like Elvira? And then remember how you got all hideously thin?
Where has that Angelina gone? You used to give us a reason to mock you. And now you’re all gorgeous and perfect and altruistic and motherly and charitable and you’re boinking a guy most women think is hotter than the sun. And you have a nice rack. Real ones even.
To this I say: Enough already. Can’t you get caught picking your nose on camera or something? Or say something outrageous or go back to cutting yourself or SOMETHING? Please, Ange. For me. For the MockDock. It’d mean a lot.
Warmest Regards,
Mockarena
There is no other explanation for the looks of disgust on their faces. Unless they simultaneously realized the full extent of the hideousness that is Donald’s hair. In any case, guess what Donald had the nerve to do? Rip on someone for being ugly. Which wouldn’t be as hilarious as it is if that person weren’t ANGELINA JOLIE. Donald apparently thinks himself quite the authority on beauty, and says with certainty that Angelina, while not unattractive, is not beautiful “by any stretch of the imagination.”
I’m the first to point out that Angelina could stand to eat a sandwich, but wow. How bad of a day are you having if Donald Trump calls you out on your looks?
Brangelina (Or AngelPitt - which I prefer) were greeting their fans at some hoity toity event the other day, when a random reporter shouted out, “Show of hands - Who here has an eating disorder?” Ange was pleased to find she wasn’t alone.
Angelina, (pictured here with a halo courtesy of Perez Hilton) still needs to shed a few pounds. I won’t be satisfied until her lips lose weight. Plus, her fingers aren’t bony enough. You can’t even see the actual color of her bones yet…..so, obviously she needs to pick up a box of dexatrim when she’s out shopping with all of her weird-named kids.
Seriously. What has happened to the once impossibly gorgeous Angelina? I know toddlers heavier than her.
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