OMG you guys - guess what. Ashley has signed on to film a movie called The Tooth Fairy, which starts production this October, and it’s a romantic comedy in which she plays the girlfriend of The Rock (Dwayne Johnson).
The best part is that there are mixed reports about the actual plot line of the movie. Some reports say that it’s about The Rock trying to ”save the tooth fairy kingdom,” while others say it’s about a 6 year old girl who is crushed when The Rock tells her that the tooth fairy isn’t real - in either case, I have no idea how Ashley would fit in. Still others report that The Rock will be playing a minor league hockey player nicknamed The Tooth Fairy, and Ashley will be playing his girlfriend, a single mother of two children. That sounds the most plausible.
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this to you guys before, but if you have ever watched Ashley have to make out with someone in a movie, you may have noticed that she’s a smashmouth kisser. This is not a good thing. Pay attention from here on out - if you happen to see her in a movie being replayed on TV, just watch how she kisses. She is TERRIBLE at it. She keeps her lips all bunched up and then she just presses them onto her victim. It’s icky.
Anyway, don’t say you never learned anything at The Mock Dock.
It was announced today that Dario Franchitti is going back to the Indycar series, after his miserably pathetic attempt to drive in the NASCAR series for Chip Ganassi. Chip has taken pity on him, and decided to get rid of Huge-Toothed Dan Wheldon, and now Dario is set to return to Indy Cars.
You know what’s just totally RICH about this whole thing? The fact that Dario is trying to act like this is EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED all along. He says, “Part of the reason that I signed with Ganassi last year was because of how many options that Chip has at his disposal for a driver. You can do almost any form of racing that you want. With unification and the new schedule having more road and street courses it made me think about this more and more. I have really enjoyed this last season in stock cars and have not completely closed that chapter of my professional career, but the opportunity that arose was just something I could not pass up.”
Translation: I sucked at Nascar, and have totally embarrassed myself, and this is really my only option.
The thing is, I can’t deny he was great at driving the indycars, because he was. But since he already won the Indy 500 and the championship last year, there’s pretty much no where to go but down.
The Indy Racing League, unfortunately and as opposed to NASCAR, EATS ASHLEY JUDD UP - they hang on her every word to the point that you kind of want to punch your tv in the face. But it’ll make good sound bites for mocking. Which, rest assured, will be plentiful.
Two things. First of all, Ashley needs some anti-perspirant. Secondly, look at how her name is prominently displayed on her button, in addition to but also above Obama’s. I’m surprised she actually allowed his name on it. She could have simply had a button made that said, “I’m ASHLEY JUDD and I, ASHLEY JUDD, support someone for president who is here in the same vicinity as I, ASHLEY JUDD!”
If you’d like to hear Ashley Judd blather on about “her people” and her travels and who she gets to sit next to at the convention and the movie role she wants to steal from Julia Roberts and a little political stuff too, then by all means, check out the clip above. If you’d like to keep breakfast down, skip it.
So you know how I posted those photos of her earlier today in that red mom-dress? The one that’s kind of all criss-crossy in the front and does absolutely nothing flattering for her whatsoever? Here. Let’s refresh your memory:
And you know how in the video I posted of her she actually concluded her interview with a “Finally finally finally” about the Obama family being there? As if to suggest that she has been loudly vocalizing support for Obama since Day One? As if the world has finally listened to her? Well, interestingly enough, she was just asked the other night if she’d always been an Obama supporter and she apparently replied that she was an Edwards person. But then something hit me.
That dress. WHERE HAD I SEEN THAT DRESS BEFORE?
Oh yes! It was right here. When she talking about what a true romantic Bill Clinton was at a rally FOR HIS WIFE.
This is what I’m talking about people. Watch the video again and just look at the way she fawns over the Obama family like she’s been just DYING for them to get to this point all along.
OMG you guys, I was starting to think Ashley had become so boring I wasn’t going to ever get a chance to add to the I Hate Ashley Judd category, but OH HAPPY DAY!! A Tennessee newspaper has reported, 15 years after the fact, that Ashley never paid on a speeding ticket she got in 1993.
In true Ashley form, when she was pulled over by the cop going 22 miles over the speed limit in her new Mercedes 300 coupe (a gift from mommy), she asked the cop, “Do you know who I am?” Gawd. And my new favorite cop in all the land replied, with a laugh, “It really doesn’t matter.” LOVE.
Anyway, the cop held her license to make sure she either paid the $125 fine or showed up in court. She did neither, because she’s Ashley Judd. They’re still holding her license, and haven’t sold it on Ebay or anything!
I totally saw this coming. Salma Hayek (who by the way is like best best friends with Ashley Judd, who as you all know I HATE and given that Salma is friends with her means that something intrinsically HAS to be wrong with her which means that I am really not a fan of hers either) has called off her engagement to one of the richest dudes ever, that Pinault guy she had a kid with.
I am of the opinion that whole relationship was really just about sperm and money. Salma doesn’t need a man. She just needed manseed and the assurance that the resulting spawn would be well cared for.
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