An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo, and I actually really love this dress, but wow – this is just the worst spray tan job EVER. She must have had Lindsay Lohan do it. Either that, or the spray tan technician person HATES Kristin Cavallari.
How do you see yourself in a full length mirror and think this looks ok?
You know what that reminds me of? Remember when Ashley Judd went to the premiere of one of her movies on crutches, and her makeup artist applied really dark foundation to her face and neckular area, but her arms and chest were ghostly white? I loved that SO MUCH.
BEHOLD:
It’s probably not healthy for me to be as gleeful about those pictures as I am. But I am GLEEFUL about them.
Perhaps it’s self-indulgent, but I have decided that it’s my 40th birthday eve, you guys, and so I deserve a little self-indulgence. And these pictures make me happy, even if they’re repeats. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE TO ME!!!
According to this, Academy Award nominations are going to increase from 5 per category to TEN. That means instead of watching 5 hours of Oscars, we’ll now all be watching twelve, and will have to take a vacation day the following day to recover.
Apparently this is how they did it in the days of yore, but I kind of think it’s stupid. Five is a perfectly respectable number of nominations, and frankly I don’t think we need more actors/actresses being called “Academy Award nominee so-and-so”. You realize this increases the likelihood that some joker like Ashley Judd may now have a better chance of being nominated.
Hate.
God, I love this picture of Ashley Judd so much. Everytime I look at it, I imagine that she is quacking. And I have no idea why. I guess it’s that face – it just reminds me of the face that ducks make when they quack. Do you see it?
Anyway, according to this, Obama has done the unthinkable, which is to say that he’s IGNORED ASHLEY JUDD’S PLEAS to stop mountaintop coal mining. In fact, he’s authorized a dozen more mountaintop removal projects.
She’s got to be FURIOUS about this, considering all that time she spent campaigning for him and crying and gushing and fawning over him.
And I’m not going to sit here and pretend that imagining her fury doesn’t make me giggle, and even quack a little bit.
QUACK!
…DO NOT watch this clip.
I’m serious, you guys. The irony of Nadya Suleman accusing Kate Gosselin of being an attention-whore is so completely overwhelming that I’m having a hard time even understanding how the earth didn’t just implode as soon as this video was made.
You know how I really really really intensely loathe Ashley Judd? Nadya Suleman has now passed Ashley on the Mockarena Hatred Dial.
If you’re masochistic, and you watch the video, I can tell you that there is a teeeeeny bit of comfort that comes from the fact that Nadya’s face is verging on alien due to the collagen and botox. There’s so much eye-rolling in this that you almost start to believe that those eyes will just get stuck way up in there and possibly never come out, which would actually be kinda cool.
HATE.
I’m finally back, showered, and mostly sobered up from a glorious day at the Indy 500 with Daisy. This was Daisy’s first ever 500, and we sat in the seats that I’ve occupied (courtesy of one my company VP’s) for like the last 6 years. It’s always a fabulously fun group of people that we sit with, and our VP is FAMOUS for his gin and tonics, which Daisy and I had waaaaaay too many of.
The weather was glorious and perfect, and our seats are under cover, so it’s even MORE perfect because we’re in the shade all day. And, while I have nothing against Ashley Judd’s husband specifically, it was a relief that he didn’t win because it meant that her big snooty face wasn’t all over the TV monitors constantly. Because seriously, who wants this?
You know what totally cracks me up? Without fail, every year, as I’m walking towards the fantabulous Indianapolis Motor Speedway, I see someone holding up a sign and yelling “Need tickets!!!” standing right next to someone else holding up a sign and yelling, “Get your tickets right here!” I so want to just walk up to them, and say, “Hey – I know how I can save you both a whole bunch of trouble.” But I never do. I simply look at them and chalk it up to them being crazy race people who are just painfully oblivious to their surroundings. But I’m serious you guys – I see this EVERY YEAR.
Anyway, such a great day. Junior Mock and Mini Mock stayed with their grandma last night, and Grandma Mock said that Junior Mock slept the whole night! That’s a first since his surgery, so I’m hoping he’ll do a repeat performance of that tonight. Tomorrow, Daisy is bringing her boxer over to play with the boys, which should be heaps of fun.
I’ll mock some stuff in a bit. Hope all of you mockdockers had a fabulous Sunday!
The pearls are back, you guys. And aside from a couple of giddy girls towards the end of the clip, the graduating class from Union College looks positively BORED by Ashley Judd’s commencement address.
Someone may want to explain to Naomi that this doesn’t REALLY mean Ashley Judd is a doctor now.
You remember the pearls, right? They look like something you’d get as a free prize for sending in 100 proofs of purchase barcodes from barbie doll boxes. I am not a fan, but admittedly perhaps I would be if they were around the neck of anyone else in the world besides Ashley Judd. Then again, no – I really do just think they’re ugly.
Thanks for bearing with me while I worked through that internal conflict.
Anyway, you might have heard that Salma Hayek and her billionaire got married (again) in an actual wedding this weekend. They’d already made things official back in February, but Salma wanted the kind of wedding that only a billionaire could give her, so she flew all of her best pals in to Venice for the big production. Ashley was one of those guests, and she wore the big giant pearls.
And I know some of you may be thinking, “You know what, Mock? They really aren’t that bad. I mean, yeah – they’re big and all, but maybe you’re being too hard on Ashley’s fashion choices.”
And to that I say, LOOK what she wore to the rehearsal dinner.
I rest my case.
P.S. You know what? One of the search tags I’m going to add to this post will be “giant pearl necklace.” Because it’d be kind of hilarious for the pervs to show up here and be all disappointed that it’s about an actual pearl necklace. Sorry, pervs!
I debated about whether this story belonged here or at www.chicksontheright.com, but ultimately decided that pictures of Ashley making stupid faces at Congress were far more appropriate for The Mock Dock.
Anyway, she went to speak to Congress yesterday to ask them to spend $7 billion a year to help safeguard America’s wildlife from the impacts of global warming. I could go on and on and on and on about that, but I prefer to just giggle at the pictures.
I don’t know if you guys are aware of this, but Laura Zigman, famous author and friend of The Mock Dock, loves Hugh Jackman. Like, really loves him. The way that I love Robbie Williams. And if you go to her site right now, you’ll see that she’s trying to win a contest which would result in Hugh Jackman premiering his movie in her town, which Laura would then go to, which would mean that she would have officially been to two premieres with Hugh Jackman (the first being when she was barely allowed to go to the premiere of Someone Like You, starring the Faux French Intellectual, and she FREAKING WROTE THAT STORY). But I digress. The point is, you can help her out by voting for her zip code. Just read her post about it and you’ll see what to do.
I know she’d do the same for me if this were a Robbie Williams contest, because this is just what girlfriends do. And I am proud to call Laura Zigman a girlfriend.
Anyway, I hope this helps your cause, Laura! And as an added bonus, I give you this:
And I KNOW you’re not looking at his hands.
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