You know who looks like identical twins when they’re all skanked out and totally without make-up and in desperate need of a comb? Best friends of the Mock Dock - Ashley Judd and Katherine Heigl. Dame’s noticed the similarity before, but something about these photos really struck me.
With hatred.
HATE.
Normally I wouldn’t post a video of Ashley looking nice (which, as much as it pains me to say it, she does here), but I couldn’t resist with this one. In it, she says that McCain has a “zero voting record AGAINST women’s privacy and reproductive health” and “Senator Obama has a 100 percent voting record FOR women’s privacy and reproductive health.” Now, I’m not going to rip on her for mis-speaking and making it sound like they have the exact same voting record (although that’s exactly what she did), because I know what she was trying to say, but I will FREELY AND HAPPILY rip on her for mispronouncing Palin’s name. Gawd.
Also, I’m not at all wanting to get into any sort of abortion debate, but let’s be real here. When she says, “Women’s privacy and reproductive health” she is actually saying “The ability for underage girls to abort their babies without parental consent.” Why sugarcoat and try to make it sound like something it isn’t? That is exactly the voting record she’s referring to.
HATE HATE HATE.
In an extended version of the same video, she says that in order to improve the way men in the Democratic Republic of Congo think about women, that she thinks there should be campaign to send, to mens’ cell phones, text messages to introduce positive behavior-change. I am not making this up.
Yeah - that’ll help. I’m sure if some dude in the Congo thinks women are objects, a text message saying “Women are awesome!” will turn him right around. Great idea, Ash.
Mr. Mock and I had the 7pm rerun episode of Family Guy on this evening, and I was semi-paying attention to it while Mr. Mock was totally paying attention to it, and all of a sudden he says, “MOCK - LOOK!” and he hits the DVR to ”pause” and you know what was on the screen, as a scene segue, smack dab in the middle of the Family Guy episode? THIS:
I made Mr. Mock keep the TV frozen until I could snap a photo of it, especially to share with all of you. This photo is in no way altered. Family Guy clearly hates Ashley Judd as much as we do!
Attention southeastern Missouri people! Ashley is “promoting” Obama in Cape Girardeau today, as well as in Sikeston, and she is apparently going to be discussing economic policy, according to campaign representatives.
But here’s the thing. The event is closed to the public. She doesn’t want to mix with commoners. So this means she’s “promoting” him to, more than likely a bunch of high-paying contributors who already support him, and this means they’ll fawn over every word she spits out even though she probably knows as much about economic policy as she does about how to dress appropriately at racetracks.
HATE.
OMG you guys - guess what. Ashley has signed on to film a movie called The Tooth Fairy, which starts production this October, and it’s a romantic comedy in which she plays the girlfriend of The Rock (Dwayne Johnson).
The best part is that there are mixed reports about the actual plot line of the movie. Some reports say that it’s about The Rock trying to ”save the tooth fairy kingdom,” while others say it’s about a 6 year old girl who is crushed when The Rock tells her that the tooth fairy isn’t real - in either case, I have no idea how Ashley would fit in. Still others report that The Rock will be playing a minor league hockey player nicknamed The Tooth Fairy, and Ashley will be playing his girlfriend, a single mother of two children. That sounds the most plausible.
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this to you guys before, but if you have ever watched Ashley have to make out with someone in a movie, you may have noticed that she’s a smashmouth kisser. This is not a good thing. Pay attention from here on out - if you happen to see her in a movie being replayed on TV, just watch how she kisses. She is TERRIBLE at it. She keeps her lips all bunched up and then she just presses them onto her victim. It’s icky.
Anyway, don’t say you never learned anything at The Mock Dock.
It was announced today that Dario Franchitti is going back to the Indycar series, after his miserably pathetic attempt to drive in the NASCAR series for Chip Ganassi. Chip has taken pity on him, and decided to get rid of Huge-Toothed Dan Wheldon, and now Dario is set to return to Indy Cars.
You know what’s just totally RICH about this whole thing? The fact that Dario is trying to act like this is EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED all along. He says, “Part of the reason that I signed with Ganassi last year was because of how many options that Chip has at his disposal for a driver. You can do almost any form of racing that you want. With unification and the new schedule having more road and street courses it made me think about this more and more. I have really enjoyed this last season in stock cars and have not completely closed that chapter of my professional career, but the opportunity that arose was just something I could not pass up.”
Translation: I sucked at Nascar, and have totally embarrassed myself, and this is really my only option.
The thing is, I can’t deny he was great at driving the indycars, because he was. But since he already won the Indy 500 and the championship last year, there’s pretty much no where to go but down.
The Indy Racing League, unfortunately and as opposed to NASCAR, EATS ASHLEY JUDD UP - they hang on her every word to the point that you kind of want to punch your tv in the face. But it’ll make good sound bites for mocking. Which, rest assured, will be plentiful.
HATE HATE HATE HATE.
In case you happened to be wondering why women count, Ashley Judd has your answer.
(HATE).
Two things. First of all, Ashley needs some anti-perspirant. Secondly, look at how her name is prominently displayed on her button, in addition to but also above Obama’s. I’m surprised she actually allowed his name on it. She could have simply had a button made that said, “I’m ASHLEY JUDD and I, ASHLEY JUDD, support someone for president who is here in the same vicinity as I, ASHLEY JUDD!”
HATE.
If you’d like to hear Ashley Judd blather on about “her people” and her travels and who she gets to sit next to at the convention and the movie role she wants to steal from Julia Roberts and a little political stuff too, then by all means, check out the clip above. If you’d like to keep breakfast down, skip it.
So you know how I posted those photos of her earlier today in that red mom-dress? The one that’s kind of all criss-crossy in the front and does absolutely nothing flattering for her whatsoever? Here. Let’s refresh your memory:
And you know how in the video I posted of her she actually concluded her interview with a “Finally finally finally” about the Obama family being there? As if to suggest that she has been loudly vocalizing support for Obama since Day One? As if the world has finally listened to her? Well, interestingly enough, she was just asked the other night if she’d always been an Obama supporter and she apparently replied that she was an Edwards person. But then something hit me.
That dress. WHERE HAD I SEEN THAT DRESS BEFORE?
Oh yes! It was right here. When she talking about what a true romantic Bill Clinton was at a rally FOR HIS WIFE.
This is what I’m talking about people. Watch the video again and just look at the way she fawns over the Obama family like she’s been just DYING for them to get to this point all along.
HATE.
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