The Mock Dock

These photos amuse me.

If you want additional Ashley-style amusement, feel free to check out her latest hypocritical ramblings over at my other site. And then return here so you can remember what she Actually Looks Like without the help of a team of stylists.

The dreaded pearls are back.

…this article.

In summary, the story is about a dude in Germany who married his 15 year old cat. And the last paragraph in the story says, “The happy couple dressed up for the occasion – Mitzscherlich (the dude) in a wedding suit and top hat and 15-year-old Cecilia (the cat) who loudly meowed her way through the exchanging of vows, in a white dress.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I am DYING to see a wedding photo. Since there isn’t one, I’m instead posting a picture of Ashley Judd’s head being assaulted by a rogue flower arrangement at the White House Correspondents Dinner (because of COURSE she went to that).

How many coats of foundation do you think are actually ON her?

HATE.

This could be, by far, the best picture of Ashley Judd that I have ever seen ever.  I am going to use this in random work emails as much as I possibly can today.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.

…but if my husband put this outfit on, I would probably never ever ever stop laughing.

By the way, I can not TELL you how happy I am that Ashley Judd’s KY Wildcats are out of the NCAA championship.  That has totally made my whole weekend.  And in case you weren’t aware, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels didn’t want them to win either. Just one of skatey eight kabillion reasons why I love him.

Looks like you overestimated your Cats, Ashley.  Sucks for you.

How much do you love that she’s all smug and self-important in this photo, and that dude next to her is all, “Beyotch – I don’t care WHO you are, quit blocking my view.”

LOVE.

According to this, Barack Obama has filled out his brackets, and he sees Ashley Judd’s UK Wildcats against my KU Jayhawks in the final game, with Kansas winning the whole thing.

Here’s why that concerns me.  Obama’s seal of approval is the kiss of death, as has been pointed out time and time again, most recently with his prediction that my Colts would win the superbowl.  So I don’t like that he’s betting on Kansas, because I want Kansas to win.

But I suspect he might be right that those two teams will make it to the finals, and if that’s the case, you realize that I will be going NUTS during that game, not because I really particularly care about basketball, but because it’s my alma mater against Ashley’s.  And I cannot lose to that horrific, self-involved, deodorant-forgetting beast.

You guys have to start sending some serious winning vibes to KU – we need all the help we can get to override Obama’s kiss of death with some Actual Good Karma.

You guys remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine dances, right?

I’m just saying.

Ashley’s crying about wolves again in another video.

I took this screen capture from the video, so that I wouldn’t be posting two identical things at each of my sites.  So here, you can make fun of her facial expression, and at the link above, you can watch the video.  See?  This is how I appeal to the masses.

This is my gift.

BEHOLD: The Faux French Intellectual talking about her role in The Tooth Fairy. You guys, this is a movie in which The Rock dresses in a fairy costume. This is not a serious drama. And yet, to listen to Ashley describe it, particularly towards the last 30-40 seconds of this clip, you’d think she was talking about the filming of a documentary on child behavior.

GAWD.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I cannot STAND Ashley Judd.  I know I told you about the recent Redbook cover she did, and included a couple of quotes from that, but now there are more emerging, and it turns out that the poor princess is only getting nine hours of sleep a night.

HORRORS.

According to this, Ashley’s having a rough time getting used to her school schedule because she requires a minimum of ten hours of sleep per night.  She said, “There was a class I really wanted to take, but it started at 8:40 and I knew I’d be setting myself up to be miserable. I get nine a night, so I’ve been dealing with low-grade chronic exhaustion the whole time I’ve been here.”

LOW GRADE CHRONIC EXHAUSTION, she says.  See – this is precisely the kind of crap that makes me hate her.  She’ll say something like this, and then turn around in the next breath and talk about her unique gift of empathy for people in third world countries.

HATE.

No – this isn’t the cover photo.  But I liked this one better.

Ashley just plain isn’t capable of speaking like a regular human being when she is asked questions about herself.  She just immediately goes into overly descriptive overdrive.  According to this, when asked about going back to school (Harvard, natch) she said, “My hope with the education is to have a finer, more nuanced understanding of the context in which I’m working as an actress and an activist. I really enjoy my life as it is, advocacy and art, moving between the two.”

GAWD.

Ashley also discussed why she makes a good activist: “I think the gift of empathy I have, and the ability to listen to emotional extremes, my real commitment to witnessing without flinching and bringing those stories back, that’s where my usefulness lies. And advocacy and helping to shape policy, whether it’s speaking at the United Nations and helping lawmakers or raising awareness and shaping public opinion.”

The ability to listen to emotional extremes?  Really?  Because I have some emotional extremes I’d like her to listen to, actually.

HATE.