The Mock Dock

Here’s Ashley Judd being on NPR’s “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” radio show. Link is here in case the above clip doesn’t play for you. I think it can best be summarized as follows:

“I me I me I me (insert big word) I me I me (insert lame attempt at humor) I me I I me me I me I me (insert husky laugh) me.”

You really only need to listen to like the first minute to get the jist of what I’m talking about. I mean, she starts out by saying she’s waaay more nervous to be there than she was speaking in front of the United Nations, for crying out loud. Leave it to Ashley to plug her United Nations speaking engagement on a RADIO GAME SHOW.

I smell an Oscar in Ashley’s future!

Kidding. Judging from this preview, she may have like 3 lines in this movie. I’m not going to go so far as to say that this film is going to be terrible, because the very very end of the clip with Billy Crystal gave me hope that maybe it could be Princess Bride-y, and I do love me some Stephen Merchant, but wow. I’d say Meryl Streep doesn’t have anything to worry about from a competition standpoint.

Don’t ask me how she injured herself or when.  I have no idea.  I just like the picture.

Gawd.

According to this, Ashley is being honored for all of the stuff she does for people outside her own country, with a special fancy dinner and silent auction and tribute party.  Because Hollywood people LOVE to honor each other endlessly for this kind of stuff.

She’s going to be EXTRA impossible now.

And if that weren’t enough, there are rumors that she’s going to be on the panel of the NPR gameshow “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” during which she’ll probably answer questions in French and use all sorts of enormous words and just in general be obnoxiously pretentious.

Good times.

Apparently, other people are just now figuring out what I have been telling you mockdockers for like 2 years now – which is that Ashley Judd is a freaking LOON.

According to Us Weekly, Ashley is all settled in to the campus life at Harvard for her public administration classes, and she decided to invite a few chicks from one of her classes to her house for a “sharing circle.”  Because that is the kind of new-age nonsense that Ashley likes to take part in, when she’s not crying about wolves and wearing enormous pearls.

So, like normal college women, the invitees assumed they were going to a regular get-together.  What they neglected to take into account was that ASHLEY JUDD was hosting, which means “get-together” automatically translates into “forced social awkardness.”

Apparently, Uber-Feminist Ashley insisted that each girl stand up and give a personal monologue, and talk about themselves for a few minutes.  

I could almost see that, if after each girl were finished, they all got to chill out and be normal.  But after the monologues were complete, Ashley said, “Thank you all for coming” and then showed them the door.  What in the holy hell? 

HATE.

You must read this at once.

I think Debbie Schlussel and I may be long lost sisters.

Victoria descended upon Boston today for American Idol judging.  Look how completely awesome her SHOES are.   I mean, the dress is a given.  Flawless.  But WOW do I covet her shoes.

And I even love her whole headscarf thing too.  You know why?  Because it is on HER head.  LOVE.

Laura Zigman – if you see her, tell her I love her.  And for God’s sake don’t let Ashley get to her.

OMG you guys.  I just got a facebook message from alert and astute mockdocker Laura Zigman, who as you may recall is the famous author who wrote the book that the movie Someone Like You was based on, which starred our arch nemesis Ashley Judd, and you will NOT EVEN BELIEVE how much Ashley thinks of herself today.

If you’re a reader of my sister site, you know that Ashley Judd is now enrolled in a Master’s program at Harvard – where she’s going to study Public Adminstration, presumably to eventually run for office, at which point obviously the world will end.  I have no doubt about this.  Anyway, according to this,  she’s not comfortable simply enrolling in the program like a regular person, because she apparently believes she’ll be mobbed by throngs of unwashed masses.

The article, which is kind of fabulous in its totally eye-rolling tone, says that Ashley has asked university officials to “take additional measures to ensure her privacy while studying” at the school.  The program director sent out an email blast outlining the steps that have been/will be taken to make sure Ashley isn’t bothered by any commoners.  They have put a privacy block on her student file, they have arranged for security detail to be present during any class coffee breaks just in case anyone from the “public” should attempt to talk directly to her, and the student body has been instructed on how to respond to inquiries about Ashley: ‘‘Simply turn the line of questioning back on them by asking who they are and what the purpose is of their query and contact security immediately to have them escorted off the premises if they are here inappropriately,’’ the email said. 

Lastly, the program director explained that all media calls should be directed to Ashley’s publicist, who, according to the article author, isn’t answering any questions anyway.  

Now, let me ask you this:  If Ashley Judd was so hell-bent on having her privacy respected during her studies, why in the holy hell did she have her publicist ANNOUNCE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD last week that she was going to enter the Harvard program to begin with?

And if all of this weren’t bad enough, your co-mockdocker and famous author Laura Zigman now has to share her hometown with Ashley, and risk seeing her at Harvard Square.  

Condolences for Laura may be left in the comments.

You know what I just remembered?  I remembered about this fantastic series of photos.  This is a series that Buckeye Bob put together for me for my birthday, and I just came across it again this morning, and it’s my most favorite series of photos of all time, and you all should get to enjoy it too.  I think #2 is my FAVORITE favorite.  But they’re all fantastic.

Many many thanks to Buckeye Bob for his artistry.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo, and I actually really love this dress, but wow – this is just the worst spray tan job EVER.  She must have had Lindsay Lohan do it.  Either that, or the spray tan technician person HATES Kristin Cavallari.

How do you see yourself in a full length mirror and think this looks ok?

You know what that reminds me of? Remember when Ashley Judd went to the premiere of one of her movies on crutches, and her makeup artist applied really dark foundation to her face and neckular area, but her arms and chest were ghostly white?  I loved that SO MUCH.

BEHOLD:

It’s probably not healthy for me to be as gleeful about those pictures as I am.  But I am GLEEFUL about them.