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Happy Birthday

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Aretha Franklin and her enormously long boobs are 67 years old today.

Many happy returns.

Nice Try, Nicky Hilton

See how Nicky Hilton is blowing on sparkler candles?  It was her birthday, you see.  But they couldn’t very well have an actual CAKE, because that would imply that Nicky Hilton eats solid food, which she obviously does not. Look how she’s holding herself up by leaning on the person next to her.  It’s entirely possible that she’s not even really blowing out candles in this picture – she could just be exerting the effort that it takes for someone this thin to breathe.  She’s totally emaciated, and I’m pretty convinced that the thing she’s blowing on is just a colorfully decorated hatbox.

EAT, Nicky.  For the love of God, EAT.

P.S. I’m in DC on account of important business, but took the only 15 free minutes I have to mock someone for you.  See how much you all mean to me?

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