The Mock Dock

I think it’s a rule of life that at some point, if you’re a girl, you’re going to wear a hideous bridesmaid dress.  It’s just inevitable.

EVEN FOR BRITNEY SPEARS, who was a bridesmaid in her assistant’s wedding.

No one is safe.  If you have horrid bridesmaid dress experience, please share in the comments.  And attach pictures if you’ve got ‘em!

Because HELLO:

It’s Glee. Plus Britney.

GLITNEY.

I’ll catch you guys afterwords.

I’m grateful that as a non-famous person, I can go outside and in public and not have to worry that some random photographer is going to take a picture of me looking like the haggiest hag in hagville.   I mean seriously, that kind of fame would suck.  And you have no idea how often I go to, say, the grocery store or the drug store looking totally hagariffic.  I’m not vain when it comes to being seen at my worst in public.  But if I thought photos of my hagified self would show up in national circulation?  I might behave differently.

In any case, I hope these photos aren’t an indication that Britney’s back on the path to crazytown.

So, if you live in or around the Indianapolis area, you know that we’ve been enjoying a mighty fine spring so far.  The weather has been pretty much awesome for most of the month of April.  And so when possible, I have been taking neighborhood walks after work to get some fresh air and listen to tunes on my ipod.

One of my most favorite albums to walk to is Britney’s Circus album (insert any number of jokes here).  And there is one song in particular, called Lace and Leather, which has a really nice beat for the tail end of my walk.  But here’s the thing.  Everytime I hear it, I get annoyed by the 2nd verse, which starts like this:

Heels, six inch make a boy want to bite his lip
Look but don’t touch unless you want to lose your innocence

And I know this is going to sound totally irrational, but it bugs the crap out of me that she says “Heels six inch” instead of “Six inch heels.”  I mean, there’s no rhymular issue which would be created as a result of constructing the sentence in a logical manner.  There is, in fact, no reason whatsoever NOT to say, “Six inch heels” instead of “Heels, six inch.”

WHY DOES SHE SING IT THAT WAY?  WHY?

…still.  A FANTA?  Who drinks those?

I’m telling you, Britney’s sinking into crazy water again.  She forgot her bra again too.

But at least her feet are warm!

Britney Spears remains perpetually incapable of dressing herself.

I would have been PISSED if I’d been seated behind Lady Gaga and she’d obstructed my view with her pathetic attempts to outdo her own previous stupid outfits.

The more Adam Lambert fusses with his hair, and the more make-up he applies, the more he looks like a vampire.

Anyone watch?  What were the best/worst moments?

Inappropriate.

No one can wear a sparkly nude bodysuit except Britney.  And even SHE couldn’t pull it off the way she did a few years ago.

Kidding.  I don’t know that she’s actually boycotted bras, per se.  I just know that she likes to be without them a good deal of the time.  And frankly, her boobs are showing signs of rebellion.  They look sad, if you know what I mean.  Downcast and kinda mopey.

Apparently, this is a new pic of Britney Spears from her website.  And I don’t know about you all, but there is something wonky about it.  Like she’s been affected by a mild stroke or something.  Do you see it?

Do I just need new contacts?

The internets are a’buzzing this morning with news of Britney Spears singing LIVE. It was an Alanis Morrisette song, but you know, singing live is singing live.

I don’t know about you all, but I think she needs to rethink those “pants.”