It was announced today that Dario Franchitti is going back to the Indycar series, after his miserably pathetic attempt to drive in the NASCAR series for Chip Ganassi. Chip has taken pity on him, and decided to get rid of Huge-Toothed Dan Wheldon, and now Dario is set to return to Indy Cars.
You know what’s just totally RICH about this whole thing? The fact that Dario is trying to act like this is EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED all along. He says, “Part of the reason that I signed with Ganassi last year was because of how many options that Chip has at his disposal for a driver. You can do almost any form of racing that you want. With unification and the new schedule having more road and street courses it made me think about this more and more. I have really enjoyed this last season in stock cars and have not completely closed that chapter of my professional career, but the opportunity that arose was just something I could not pass up.”
Translation: I sucked at Nascar, and have totally embarrassed myself, and this is really my only option.
The thing is, I can’t deny he was great at driving the indycars, because he was. But since he already won the Indy 500 and the championship last year, there’s pretty much no where to go but down.
The Indy Racing League, unfortunately and as opposed to NASCAR, EATS ASHLEY JUDD UP - they hang on her every word to the point that you kind of want to punch your tv in the face. But it’ll make good sound bites for mocking. Which, rest assured, will be plentiful.
HATE HATE HATE HATE.
I don’t know that either of those things has anything to do with the other, but be that as it may, those are the latest pieces of news to come out about them. Ashley has expanded her Goody’s clothing line to include clothes for fat women, and Dario has bought a one-bedroom condo in Vegas for 1/2 a million bucks.
Still no official word about what will become of Dario’s career now that his NASCAR team has imploded.
Caption the photo - what do you think Ashley’s talking about? Mockdock love to the best/funniest answers.
Guess what! Ashley Judd’s husband’s Nascar team has just imploded. According to the AP, the team owner, Chip Ganassi, has shut down Dario’s race operations because of a lack of sponsorship. Loosely translated, that means no one wanted to give money to the team because Dario seems to be incapable of getting one of those elusive “top 40 finishes” everyone strives for in NASCAR. Loosely translated, that means he’s really really really bad at NASCAR.
Anyway, he’ll still apparently run for the lower-tier Nationwide series, so it’s not like he won’t have anything to do…but yikes.
So remember how I told you that Ashley’s husband, Dario Franchitti, broke his ankle yesterday and therefore had to miss the Talledega race today? So his team decided to use a dude by the name of David Stremme, who Dario REPLACED this year, as a substitute in today’s race. And he started dead last, because that’s where Dario had qualified the car. And then he proceeded to have a totally badass run, including even leading a lap at one point. He would have finished in the top 5 had he not been caught up in a random accident on the last lap. Which all just goes to show that Chip Ganassi is an idiot for hiring Dario to replace Stremme in the first place, and that Dario isn’t nearly as much of an “elite talent” as Ashley insists he is.
Anyway. I like to imagine that in the photo above, she’s saying, “Shhh. I know he’s not that good but I don’t want him to hear me saying that.” Only if that’s what she were really saying, it’d be more like, “Silence. I am cognizant of the reality that my betrothed is not in possession of the level of skill which I have previously indicated; however, it is my preference that he not be made aware of this sentiment through any auditory means.”
Ashley Judd’s husband Dario couldn’t manage to qualify for this Sunday’s race in Texas. He’ll be sitting on the sidelines, wondering how in the world he could become so irrelevant in the world of motorsports so quickly.
It’s unlikely she’ll be there to comfort him, because she’s probably too embarrassed. Although she wasn’t too embarrassed to show herself in public after completely screwing up a spray tan (see picture below), so I could be wrong.
HATE.
Dario Franchitti continued his streak of crappiness at the Bristol Nascar race this past weekend. Finishing 38th, Dario said, “It’s tough to be learning everything that we’re learning racing against these type of people. These guys know what they’re doing so it’s very difficult for us to even stay in the top-35 right now.”
In a related story, ESPN.com has a headline which reads in part, “Sam Hornish lands a top-35 finish.” So apparently finishing in the top-35 is like a huge success for these jokers now. Which is retarded considering there are generally fewer than 45 total drivers in any given race.
Anyway, Dario’s best finish of the season to date is 32nd. Which has to be hard on Ashley, who is used to describing her husband with all kinds of flowery and overly complimentary and ridiculously long words. There’s probably not a lot of big words she can use which translate into “top-40 finisher”.
Dario Franchitti’s foray into stockcar racing continues to be a complete disappointment, as he squeaked out a 31st place, four-lap-down finish in last weekend’s Atlanta race. When sought out for comment, Ashley Judd was seen looking disheveled and embarrassed, silently counting to herself, and chanting about women’s right to choose.
Developing…
Michael Bolton was seen frolicking around on the beach with fiancee Nicolette Sheridan. Although I’m not sure if you can actually classify this as frolicking. It’s more like soft core porn. The thing that makes me giggle the most about this picture is that Ashley Judd used to date him. Which means that Dario gets MICHAEL BOLTON’S sloppy seconds. Nice work, Dario!
Shown below is Dario coming to the realization that he got Michael Bolton’s sloppy seconds. And Ashley being horrified that someone has told him.
Due to her “film schedule conflict”, Ashley Judd was unable to be on hand to announce the Golden Globe nominees. I’m guessing it’s really because a) she felt Hayden Panatierre was an unacceptable and unworthy co-announcer or b) she herself was not nominated for anything or c) she decided that for her 6th anniversary to Dario she would take him to some third world country to pick out a kid to adopt.
God speed, Dario.
Ashley Judd, seen above obviously freezing and being utterly annoyed at someone as usual, was recently quoted in a Redbook interview saying this, when asked about her marriage:
“Dario is my….well, we don’t talk about our marriage at all. I think for me to give my view of his view in the press is usurping his intellectual property.”
Again with the two-ton words when a 1/2 pound would do. She couldn’t just say, “Well, we’re pretty private. I wouldn’t want to speak for him, ” and leave it at that?
Wait. No, she couldn’t do that, because she’s NOT private. This is coming from the same woman who announced on The View that Dario found her g-spot.
Hate.
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