The Mock Dock

So you know how sometimes you’re out and about, and you think to yourself, “Man – my feet are so hot, and yet, my ankles are freezing!”

Wait. You don’t think that ever? Well, then these shoes aren’t for you.

I think this serves as a nice alternative to the Hollywood celebs wearing full on Ugg boots with shorts, though. There is absolutely no reason why you would ever need boots EVER in Hollywood, but clearly there’s a market for them, and perhaps this is the answer.

Or maybe these are just more dumb shoes.

Before I show you today’s installment of dumb shoes, allow me to apologize for not posting AT ALL this livelong day.  It’s because today was Daisy’s baby shower, which was waaaaaay on the other side of town, and then after being gone for that for 5 hours, I had to do our Christmas tree, and I’m finally just now sitting down to relax.  I love these kind of days though – where you’re busy all day doing super fun stuff.  LOVE.  And our tree is fabulous looking, even though Mr. Mock had a beast of a time dealing with the lights (which is his part of the decorating).  On my way home from the shower, I got a text message from him which read as follows:

“You might want to pick up more lightstrands on your way home because two don’t work.  And take your time, because I’m f*cking having the worst f*cking time with these f*cking lights, and I’m in a f*cking bad mood.”

He actually took the time to write out “f*cking” that many times.  THAT is how bad of a mood he was in over the lights.

Happily though, he was all better by the time I got home with more lights, and our tree is now gorgeous.

Anyway, today’s shoes are less shoes than they are torture chambers for feet.  And considering that you’re still walking on Actual Ground when you wear them, they are probably the most POINTLESS SHOES EVER.  Only full of points all at the same time.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me some totally hilarious pictures of dumb shoes, and I’m going to stagger them over the next couple days because they’re too good to group together.  I mean, LOOK AT THIS.

I suppose if you’re the type of person who has separation anxiety when you are parted with your hamster or something, this might be a handy way to avoid that emotional turmoil.  You could just pack up your hamster in your shoe, and check in on him every now and then when you’re seated.

If Victoria Beckham ends up with a pair of these, I might have to rethink my girl crush.

…but there’s really no dumber shoes than these.

Shoes made from bread.

I can’t think of a single scenario where having edible shoes would be a good idea.

Now see – THIS is how I could become less domestically-challenged.  With shoes that clean while you walk.  In fact, they need to create an entire suit which has, on the outside, millions of scrubby brushes, so that instead of scrubbing, say, a shower, I could just get in the shower and lean on the wall to clean it.  Or I could lay in the bathtub and roll around a bit, and presto – clean bathtub.

Contrast these with the dumbest shoes ever.

Ridiculous.

P.S.  Mr. Mock’s parents are in town visiting, so posting could be less frequent over the weekend, starting basically right now.  I know everytime I say that, I end up posting just as often as always, but I like to just SAY it so that no one can get mad at me.

I’m assuming these were especially designed for Sarah Jessica Parker.

Hey – today is Bunny’s birthday, and so I will be gone for much of the day hanging out with her to celebrate.  I know you’ll all keep yourselves well-entertained in the comments, and I will be back this evening to join in!

Alert and astute mockdocker wrote me today to tell me that she’d just returned from a concert featuring Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp and Bob Dylan. She stayed for six hours, and it was still going strong when she left. She was in tennis shoes, and her feet were hurting from standing for so long.

So imagine her surprise to see, during one of the breaks, some chick wearing THESE:

I submit to you that these are one of the dumbest pairs of shoes that you could ever wear to a concert ever. Particularly a 6 hour + concert.

Thoughts?

Well, now you can imprison them. 

You know what would look good with these? 

Yeah.  I don’t either.

Yeah.  Check these out.  I don’t know whether to be awestruck by her ability to not just crumple into a heap on the floor as soon as these are on, or to be awestruck by her stupidity in choosing such completely dumb shoes in the first place.

KIDDING!  Sarah Jessica Parker has nothing to do with these shoes, that I am aware of.  But that’s the first thing I thought of when I got this photo in my email from an alert and astute mockdocker.

I kind of want these.  They look like they’d be warm.

Guess what I did today you guys!  I helped with yard work.  I’m not kidding.  I really helped.  If you asked Mr. Mock if I was helpful, he would totally admit that I was.  I power washed the front walk.  With a power washer, even.  It was all sorts of fun.  Tomorrow, I am hoping that Mr. Mock finds something else for me to power wash, because as it happens, I am AWESOME at it.

I know that doesn’t really have anything to do with the hoof shoes, though.  But you know I’m easily distracted. 

Oh look!  Rat slippers!