The Mock Dock

When I met Mr. Mock, here’s approximately the sum total of what I knew to be factually true about football:

1.  They use a ball that is not round.

That’s really about it.

In fact, I used to think football was really awful to watch, because of the lack of continuity.  I favored fast-paced sports like basketball, and thought football was just painfully slow, mostly because I had NO CLUE what was going on.

For the decade we’ve been together though, Mr. Mock has patiently encouraged me to pick up bits of football-related information by simply exposing it to me at every available opportunity.  He is a HUGE college football fan, and most especially passionate about his beloved Dawgs.  So the arrival of fall, for him, makes him giddy.  Through some osmosis and tireless instruction on Mr. Mock’s part, I have come to sort of understand football.  Often, I have to admit, I Actually Like It. 

SO - the more I’ve learned, the more show-offy I have become about it.  Case in point:  this morning, Mr. Mock was all gleeful that USC lost, because it means that his Bulldogs will likely be ranked 1st in the nation again.  So he was happily talking about what this might mean for the national championship, and how exciting this weekend’s game with UGA and Alabama was going to be, when it occured to me to ask this very astute question:

“So, is it possible for two SEC teams to play each other in the National Championship Game?”

Now, for those of you who are long-time followers of college football and understand the whole BCS system, you might think that was a silly question.  But considering the level of understanding I had initially, you have to have an appreciation for how far I’ve come. 

Mr. Mock always gets really excited when it seems like I might have either a) a genuine interest in or b) an actual comprehension of football.  So he very animatedly said, “NO!  That’s just it!!  There’s a rule about how two same-conference teams can’t play each other!  AND, some conferences don’t even have CONFERENCE championships, because they’re totally lame and it makes it easier for them to go to the National Championship that way!”

So I said, “Well, that’s just stupid. Why is that a rule?”  And Mr. Mock said, “Because they don’t think it’d be fair otherwise.” And I said, all-knowingly, “But it IS fair.  Everyone gets a chance to play and be good.  If they’re not as good as other teams, then they shouldn’t go to the championship game.  If two SEC teams happen to be the top two teams in the nation, then they oughta play EACH OTHER in the championship game.”

I thought Mr. Mock would die of happiness right then and there.  You should have seen the pride on his face.  It was as if I had just come up with cure for cancer.  And you have to realize, I let loose with that insightful bit of football analysis at like SIX IN THE MORNING.  I am generally unable to even spell my own name until at least 6.30.

Anyway, I’m feeling like I’m kind of a big deal this morning, what with my astute analysis and all. Next, I will tackle (hee! see what I did there?) the entire BCS system.  I AM UNSTOPPABLE NOW.