The Mock Dock

Remember the Thriller dance? Yeah. Those crazy prisoners have done a whole new tribute to Michael Jackson, and it’s every bit as sapped out and cheesarific as you might imagine.

You know what? I think this should be required in all prisons. Forced glee club and jazz hands and Thriller choreography. It could either be a great deterrent or a way to soften up the hardest criminals. You can’t be mad when you’re dancing to I’ll Be There or Ben, for crying out loud.

I totally cannot wait for this show.

In case I have not mentioned it 278 times, I was a Dance Captain in my high school show choir. I know that sounds really dorky, and Mr. Mock makes fun of me all the time for it, but you guys, I am telling you, we were Really Cool.

I remember being in middle school, when the high school show choir would come and perform for us, and I would watch then in awe and think to myself, “That will totally be me someday. I too, will get out of classes like trigonometry and physics, because of my choir commitments.”

You had to audition for our show choir, and you also had to be at least a junior. So I had to covet a position within the show choir for several years before I actually was eligible to join it. And auditions were totally stressful. I am not making it up when I tell you that MANY MANY PEOPLE were turned away. This was because of how totally cool our show choir happened to be. And you couldn’t be a dance captain until you were a senior. Dance captaining was Very Important, because as a dance captain you would learn choreography from the Real Choreographer in the evenings, and then during class you were responsible for teaching the moves to the rest of the group. Enormous responsibility, as you can imagine.

In case you’re not yet convinced of the coolness of my show choir, allow me to share our pre-show ritual.

We would gather in a circle, cross arms and link hands with both of the people next to us, forming a huge human chain, and then whoever was selected by our director to be the Chosen One of that particular show would lead the group in the following chant:

Chosen One: Vim.
Group: Vim.
Chosen One: Vigor.
Group: Vigor.
Chosen One: Vitality.
Group: Vitality.
Chosen One: What are we gonna do?
Group: We’re going to ROCK.

You’re jealous right now, aren’t you. A little jealous, and a little awestruck by my coolness. I know.

Anyway, a show dedicated to glee clubs with Jane Lynch in it? Slam dunk.