Being Madonna’s kid. Apparently, Madonna has given Guy Ritchie a list of rules he has to follow when he’s got their kids in his care, and, assuming these are rules which are followed when they’re with their sickeningly sinewy mother, then let me go on the record now as saying I would never never ever want to be adopted by Madonna.
Included in her list of rules? Well, I’m glad you asked. Here’s a sampling:
1. Under no circumstances are the kids allowed to read newspapers, magazines, watch TV or DVD’s.
2. They must only eat macrobiotic, vegetarian and organic foods. Absolutely NOTHING processed.
3. Every speck of water that they drink, including water used to dilute organic juices (?) MUST be mountain spring water blessed by a Kabbalah priest.
4. They can’t wear clothing made from man-made fibers.
5. They may not play with “ethically or spiritually unsound” toys.
That last one kills me. As if Madonna is the shining beacon of ethics and spirituality. The woman is a freak of nature and a total lunatic.
I can’t believe Guy Ritchie lasted as long as he did. Who wants to place bets on how early these kids start the drugs/rehab/drugs/rehab cycle?
…than when you’re about to get a divorce?
So Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. FOR REAL. It’s not even just a rumor anymore, because her representative has confirmed it. I don’t know about you all, but I’m surprised. And by surprised I mean can you even believe that they lasted for over SEVEN YEARS?! That’s like a golden anniversary in Hollywood.
You know what I bet was the final straw? The fact that she wore gunshoes the other night.
So you may have heard all those rumors that Guy Ritchie and Madonna are splitting up and that she’s seen attorneys and he’s seen attorneys and it’s because of Kabbalah and kids and her freaky arms and all sorts of other stuff. The whole blogging community has been in an uproar over this for several days.
This picture was taken last night. I would make the assumption, from this photo, that they are pretty much still together, unless she’s been given some sort of submission drug or something. Plus, his mom reportedly told the media in London that these rumors are all crap and that they are all sorts of still together.
This is why I don’t generally post stuff until it’s proven at least MOSTLY true. Like that whole Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo break up, for example. It’s just crap. Remember a couple weeks ago when Angelina had reportedly given birth? Yyyyyeah. She’s still all sorts of pregnant and even though she’s hospitalized, she probably won’t actually give birth for several days. This should be a lesson to other bloggers who aren’t nearly as sophisticated and awesome as we are to not report stuff about babies being born unless two criteria have been met:
1. The woman is seen/photographed HOLDING THE NEWBORN INFANT or
2. The infant is seen/photographed EMERGING FROM THE UTERINE AREA of the woman.
If neither of those things have happened, it’s probably wise to just keep quiet.
p.s. If I were Guy Ritchie, I would totally divorce Madonna due to her freaky arms.
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