The Mock Dock

I decided to go darker, you guys. And I actually ended up even darker than I THOUGHT I’d go, but my hair person said that my existing blond highlights would start to peek through in a couple weeks, so it’ll be a little lighter.

And the reason I’m telling you this is because I am one of those people who thinks it’s a Matter Of Enormous Consequence whenever I do anything remotely different to my hair, and I need to be reassured that it is, in fact, acceptable to the general public (or at least to mockdockers). Please review:

Now, that picture is kinda deceptive, what with natural sunlight shining through the window and whatnot.  So here’s a picture of it in inside light:

Ignore the giant forehead, and tell me your thoughts about the color.   Good?  Not good?  Daisy has given me her blessing, which is HUGELY IMPORTANT.  But I’m curious what you all think, since most of you don’t know me well enough to care whether or not you hurt my feelings. 

I think in general, I feel more “me” when I’m blonder, but I’m just TIRED of the upkeep, you guys.  This seems like I’ll be able to go a lot longer without forking out money to pay for highlights.  So there’s that.

Mr. Mock says he loves it.  And he also disagrees with me that I’m a brunette.  He still thinks I’m blonde, but just a really dark blonde.  I”ll meet him halfway on that and say that perhaps I’m a blonette.

Just bear with me while I obsess about this today, mockdockers.  I’ll be over it by tomorrow.  I’m just still sort of in shock when I pass mirrors.  Feel free to comment, and just know that if you’re mean about the color, I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight and fret endlessly about it be totally ok.

Come on, you guys. This really is absurd. According to this, Troy’s hair has now been insured for a million dollars. By Head and Shoulders.

If you’re a football player, and you’re playing against Troy, I totally don’t blame you for grabbing onto this giant pile of hair and pulling down as hard as you can.  Because I totally would, if I were a football player.

This is like Twisted Sister and Diana Ross hair fused together and then multiplied by a factor of a billion.

Dislike.

You guys, remember how I got blondified a few weeks back? And you were all super nice about it and complimentary and sweet and it was like the best self-esteem booster ever?

Well, it didn’t last long. For some reason, not even 4 weeks later, I have the WORST. ROOTS. EVER. I mean, I have NO IDEA how my hair decided to grow so fast, but it did, and I have total Sarah Jessica Parker hair right now.

But tonight? My hair guy is coming over to rescue me, in time for the state dinner tomorrow, and I am SO PSYCHED. I think I’m going to get a couple inches cut off too. But mostly I’m excited for the root fix.

I have GOT to find a cheap way of touching up roots without paying my hair guy tons of money every month. I really thought I’d get at least 8 weeks out of this blondification. I shall be consulting with him about this tonight.

BUT YAY! It’s HAIR DAY!!!

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an email which asked, in part, “Don’t you think it’s high time we mocked combovers?” After a few seconds of deliberation, I concluded, “YES – it IS high time we mocked combovers.” She’d sent me a few youtube clips but I liked this one best. It appears to be a dude with just CRAZY amounts of hair conducting a combover experiment, VOLUNTARILY shaving his head to form the most hideous combover ever, and gauging people’s reactions to it.

Mr. Mock is gifted in many ways, not the least of which is in the follicular area. He has an absurd amount of hair. And it’s the kind of hair that you just want to have your hands in all the time – soft and thick and fabulous. Hairdressers COVET him as a client. And it’s the kind of hair that requires NO maintenance. Mr. Mock’s entire hair regimen consists of showering, toweling, and moving his hand through his hair ONCE. That’s it. Meanwhile, I have fine hair which requires fancy shampoo and conditioner and thickening gel and styling product and hairspray and curling brushes and shine enhancers. And it still looks nowhere as good as Mr. Mock’s hair. Dammit.

Anyway, back to combovers. My favorite humor writer, Dave Barry, had the best quote ever about the worst combover he’d ever seen, and I think it fits the guy in the video nicely. He said, “His head looks like a spider holding a giant egg.”

LOVE.

Waaaaaay back in highschool, I used Sun-In to blondify my naturally dark blonde/light light brown hair.  And I had fabulous results, unlike many of my friends, who ended up with tangerine colored hair. Or worse, burnt sienna.   I am not altogether sure why I stopped using it, but I think it had something to do with the stigma attached.  It’s a pretty fair statement, I believe, to say that using Sun-In makes you kind of a dork.

As an adult, I’ve gone to an actual hair salon person to have my hair highlighted.  This has cost various amounts depending on the hairdresser, but most recently, I’d been spending $120 EVERY EIGHT WEEKS for highlights.  How insane is that?  I did this not only because I liked the results, but because I enjoyed talking with my gay hairdresser.  Gay male hairdressers have historically been some of the funnest people ever to talk to, and my guy was no exception.

HOWEVER, about 3 months ago, I told Dame I was thinking about quitting my hair guy and buying a bottle of Sun-In.  Her response?  “NO” along with a look that clearly SCREAMED, “If you use Sun-In, I may no longer be able to be friends with you.”  After some discussion about my good high school results, she reluctantly agreed to continue our friendship even if I went to the dark sun-in side.

So I did it.  And I am happy to tell you that five dollars and 3 months later, I am as blonde as I would be if I continued to see my gay hairdresser, except now I have more money to spend on other completely frivolous things.  Even Dame has commented on my successful blondeness – I’ve made a believer out of her!

I would like to know about our readers’ haircoloring stories and/or nightmares.  Have you had a run-in with Sun-in?  (See what I did there?)