The Mock Dock

Heidi Montag has released two more “songs” which can be found on youtube.  The titles are “Trash Me” and “Sex Ed.”  And I have chosen NOT to post them, because I felt it would have been cruel and unusual punishment to subject you to them.

I will accept thanks in the form of donations to this site (see paypal donation button in the middle column a bit further down the page).

…but at least Bunny will be there to keep me company! She sent me this video this afternoon, with a note that said, “I know I shouldn’t laugh at this but I can’t help it” to which I replied, “OMG! Tourrette’s is Mr. Mock’s most favorite disease ever! I love this!” and then she said, “I know. Tourrette’s and Narcolepsy are the two handiest diseases to have ever.”

And this whole video is made only MORE hilarious because it’s Tourrette’s with a British accent. I’m sorry, but That. Is. FUNNY. Even though it’s a disease. It just IS. It’s like a built-in MEDICAL EXCUSE to say whatever you want whenever you want. In fact, if I ever run into Heidi Montag, I will blurt out a string of obscene insults at her and then just tell her I have Tourrette’s.

Or maybe I’ll just blurt out the insults. You really don’t need an excuse when you’re dealing with Heidi Montag.

P.S. I guarantee you that The Mock Dock is the only website you will come to that will discuss Tourrette’s Syndrome and Heidi Montag in the SAME POST.

According to this link that an alert and astute mockdocker sent me, Heidi Montag, plastic surgery queen and all-around moron, put nearly $2 million of her own money into making her new album, expected to make that back after just one week of sales, but the album has sold only ONE THOUSAND COPIES. This totally gives me the glees.

The name of the album is, appropriately, “Superficial.”  And the fact that one thousand people actually bought it is a total miracle.  Her husband probably picked up at least 750 of them, which means that there are 250 really really stupid people out there.

I can’t let this post go without more enlightenment from Heidi herself:

She almost died like Michael Jackson, you guys. (insert any number of jokes here)

How do you completely transform your body and face such that you end up looking like the alien-version of yourself, and then say, “Beauty comes from within.” HOW???

She is soooo ridiculous.

HATE.

We’ve been spared from having to see nauseating photos of Heidi Montag for several weeks because apparently, she’s addicted to making herself look as little like Heidi Montag as she possibly can.

Thoughts?

I actually giggled, in a non-contemptuous way, at Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s Halloween get-ups.  I mean, it’s totally un-original, because even I was waiting on a Kate Gosselin wig to use for work tomorrow but couldn’t find it in time.  But there is something about this photo that is positively hilarious.  I mean, the horrible t-shirt, and the doll babies – all of it.  It totally gives me the glees.

But no worries, I’ll go back to totally hating the holy hell out of them in about a half hour or so.  This too shall pass.

BRUTAL.

LOVE,

You have to see Heidi Montag’s “performance” on the Miss Universe pageant from last night. I accidentally on purpose had my TV on that channel, and when I heard she was going to be on as a performer, well, I couldn’t resist. And it was every bit as disastrous as you might imagine, only way way way way worse. It actually looks like she might be lip syncing a different song altogether, than what’s actually being played in the background.

Hey – remember how that waste of skin Heidi Montag and her Malignant Growth of a Husband Spencer Pratt are going to be on that stupid celebrity reality show where they have to hang out in the jungle of Costa Rica a la Survivor?  Well, it’s day two of filming, and they wanna go home.  Apparently, they weren’t aware that “jungle” doesn’t mean “five star hotel.”

But none of that really matters anyway because LOOK at how awesome that picture of her is.  Is it wrong that looking at her sobbing literally makes me quiver with happiness?

This has been the best day ever.

Guess what!  Spencer Pratt, who I think we can all agree is quite possibly one of the worst people ever, has announced a new marketing scheme for selling his wife’s “music.”

According to this, doucheboy released his phone number the other day to his Twitter account, which, if you actually called it, went directly to a recorded message which said this:  

“If you buy 100 (downloads of Heidi’s music), then I will deliver 100 pizzas to your house- hand delivered! Heidi will come.  We’ll watch a DVD!” 

Wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if whoever “wins” this “contest” is a total psycho? I mean, I realize that sort of goes without saying, but what I mean is that it would be great if it was a super scary person who would completely creep them out and make them fearful for their lives, and then the scary person could tell them that if they EVER appear in public again or release any “music”, then horrible things will happen to them, and the scary person will be SO scary that Heidi and Spencer will believe it and will move to Cuba.

We need to get some serious psychos to start buying up Heidi’s crap so that this will happen.