Look at these two. How much do they need to be punched in the face?
So now, in addition to some fool paying Spencer to write his own advice column, and in addition to allowing these two jokers to receive a salary for being on national TV on a regular basis, and in addition to paying them for various appearances, now Heidi and Spencer have a website that they call “Speidiweb” where they blog and list appearances and post various TOTALLY CANDID AND NOT AT ALL POSED PHOTOS, much like the one above, of themselves. For which they are probably paid.
Forget war. Forget global warming. Forget poverty and disease. Our next president has a bigger issue at hand - and it’s figuring out a way to eliminate these two from the collective consciousness of the entire nation. I know I’m partially contributing to their publicity by even writing about them, but you see, this is my anger management outlet, so I feel as though I have a bit of an excuse. Plus, you’ll notice I WILL NOT link to their site, nor will I even go to it to check it out. I refuse, and you should too. (Unless of course you want to check it out, report back in our comments section how lame it is, and then I can live vicariously through you).
Has Amy Winehouse ever given anyone any reason to think that, if offered a helpless infant to hold, she wouldn’t just simultaneously want to down a shot?
Where is the Mother-Of-The-Year who allowed this photo to even be taken? This kid would be safer in the jaws of a lion than he is in the arms of Amy Winehouse.
Totally Unrelated P.S. - I just want you all to know that I am fully aware that Heidi Montag has come out with a new fashion line and that she also tried to rap on TRL, but I REFUSE to talk about either of those things. Except to say that I hate her at a molecular level.
I really really hate Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag so much that I can actually feel my blood pressure rise whenever I see one of these obnoxious fake-happy photos of them.
And guess what? They are getting rich off of the country’s collective hatred for them. Most recently, Spencer was given his own advice column in Radar magazine - and it’s called ”YO Spencer”. I am not making this up. And here is one of his Q&A’s:
YO SPENCER! I’ve met my girlfriend’s mother once and she really didn’t like me. We’re going to spend the weekend with her whole family and I need to win her over. What can I do to charm her?
The mother–daughter relationship is the tightest bond in history. You got beef with the mom, you got beef with the daughter. I would definitely say that when I first met Heidi’s mother, she wasn’t sure of me. I wasn’t on my game plan. If I could’ve done it over, I would’ve bought her mom chocolate and flowers. You need to be on your best game in terms of manners, language. Bring the saint inside of you out. Treat her daughter like a princess—it’s only for a weekend.’
So basically he is admitting in a public forum that he only treats Heidi well on weekends and in front of her mom. Nice.
I’ve been trying to avoid referring to Perez Hilton for the past few months, because he gets 2 million visits per month and is a zillionaire, and we mockdockers get like 42 visits per month and are broke, and I’m insanely jealous of him because of his success, but there was NO WAY I COULD RESIST telling you that he is reporting that Spencer Pratt, douchebag to end all douchebags, may be WRITING AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
What could someone as retarded as Spencer Pratt have to write a book about - let alone an autobiographical one? First of all, he’s like, what - 25? So we’re talking about maybe 20 pages of material based on his tenure on the earth alone.
Secondly, this is SPENCER PRATT we’re talking about. He has about as much substantive material to write about as my two year old, and probably less.
I find this whole idea so hilarious, that I will have to have a copy of this book, so that I can post excerpts of it and we can all mock it together. Keep your fingers crossed that this will really happen, mockdockers!
Word on the street is that superchode Spencer from The Hills has caught the plastic surgery bug from his skankalicious girlfriend Heidi, and he wants to get CALF IMPLANTS. Can you imagine how jealous he’d be if he saw Holmes’ awesomely developed calf muscles?
Any guy who does this is officially a total douche.
I’m not making this up. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - who I have seen before on blog sites, but still I’m not sure who they are or why they are famous - are making a video game of their lives for your to play at home. I’m being serious.
“We’re definitely developing the Heidi and Spencer video game,” said Spencer to UsMagazine.com. “You can definitely play as us or you can play against us. You can even torture me.”
According to Pratt, there will be two versions of the game, the adult version and one for minors. “It’s top secret,” he assures Us. “Let’s just say everyone will be addicted.”
Riggggggggght. “Addicted.” I was actually thinking of a word that starts with “N” and ends in “auseated”
I don’t care if this is staged. There is nothing I could have seen this morning that would have made me more filled with glee than seeing Heidi Montag cry.
Doesn’t she kind of look like a cross between Tori Spelling and the girl who played Jan in the Brady Bunch Movie? Only ten times less appealing?
I wasn’t going to post anything about obnoxious attention-seeking hounds Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ever again, but a new quote from Spencer about his confidence in Heidi’s “music” career was too priceless not to share. He said,
”When people hear what we have in the bank, it’s gonna blow their minds. Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming — they’re gonna sell 10-million plus.”
I’m not making that up. These words honestly escaped his lips. How much do you hate them right now? Because just look at this ridiculous photo from Valentine’s Day. Look at how they’re trying to act all, “What? There are cameras? I don’t see them! This is a totally unplanned and surprising gift I’m receiving right now!” when in reality there are like 17 gazillion photographers within 12 inches of them.
I hate them. If you are purchasing or know anyone who is purchasing any “music” of Heidi’s, you are officially on my list of uncool people. And that’s a list you don’t want to be on, people.
Hey - remember a long time ago when I posted about those skanks from that gay show The Hills? Well, this is a “music video” from Heidi Montag, one of the “stars” of that “show”. You guys - it is the Worst. Video. Of. All. Time. First because it was shot with a video camera purchased at the electronics section of Wal-mart by her gay boyfriend Spencer, but second because the song is so painfully bad that it makes you want to stab your computer screen with ginsu knives. And lastly, because Heidi really only made the video in case someone on planet Earth hadn’t yet seen her fake boobs.
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