The Mock Dock

At first, I was going to write about how unnecessary it was for this woman to wear something low cut, as if, you know, we wouldn’t NOTICE her giant breastular area otherwise, and then I realized that this dress probably isn’t low cut at all.  In fact, this could well be a mock turtleneck dress, and the sheer weight of her chest is pulling it down.

It’s gotta be hard for her to shop for clothes without stretch fabric in them.

This is Katie Price, aka Jordan, who is famous for enlarging and then reducing and then enlarging and then reducing and then enlarging and then reducing her breastular area.  When she’s make-up free and natural, she’s actually quite beautiful, as you can see from the picture above.  But along with all the boobjobs, she’s also decided to mess with other parts of her body.  Case in point:  LOOK AT HER FACE NOW:

WHY WHY WHY do women insist on knifing into and injectifying themselves like this, particularly in the face-ular area?  She’s basically destroyed now.  And it’s a waste of a perfectly nice looking person.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent us this photo of a woman who apparently is in the Guiness Book of World Records for having really crooked knees.

KIDDING.  She’s in there for having boobs the size of small countries.  She’s like a super double ZZZ or something.  Like a bra size that someone just made up out of thin air for lack of having enough actual letters to categorize those monstrosities.

But you know what’s worse?  The email included photos taken at various angles.  And, horrifyingly, there were a couple of photos of those things WITHOUT A BRA to hoist them to waist level.  I’m not going to subject you to the full nakedness, but I do believe it’s important for you to see this:

You know you have big boobs when Aretha Franklin looks flat-chested next to you.

You know how when you see a totally horrific video you sometimes can’t turn away, no matter how much you want to? And then even when it ends, you replay it over and over just BECAUSE it’s so horrific and you just can’t even believe what you’ve just witnessed? And then you build up sort of an immunity to that initial shock of it and are then just sort of in awe of it? Because of just how horrific it is?

Welcome to this video.

In keeping with the last 24 hours worth of enormous body parts, I give you this.

I have never seen a woman who looks more drastically different without makeup than Pamela Anderson.   I don’t know what sort of magical makeup she uses, but I can think of several hideous people I would like her to loan it to. 

Lisa Rinna and Jenna Jameson should be in some sort of plastic surgified, platypus-lipped contest.

I appreciate having self esteem, but this is a tad excessive.

I give you Exhibit C:  Proof that breast implants last far longer than anyone needs them to.

This photo, of a supposed celebrity who interchangeably goes by Jordan or Katie (??) and has some fame in the UK apparently, is part of an ad campaign for perfume.  Which is certainly the first thing I thought about when I saw this picture.  I mean, it just SCREAMS perfume, doesn’t it?  To me it just screams real, authentic, genuine, not-at-all-fake-or-enhanced-or-enlarged perfume.