The Mock Dock

That Ice T’s wife, Coco is so demure and shy and modest and insecure and reserved.

It’s just sad, really.

No better way to start off an evening of mockery than with the latest photo of Ice T’s wife, Coco.

You know what?  I don’t even think she’s in mid-sit or mid-stand here.  In fact, I don’t think this is an action shot whatsoever. I think this is her preferred standing pose.  As in, this is how she stands.

Doesn’t this picture look like basically every single picture you’ve ever seen of Ice T and Coco ever?

Kanye is “performing” on American Idol right now, and it has totally confirmed my hatred for him.  WHAT is all the hype about?  I mean, I realize he creates most of his own hype, but let’s face it – he’s rich and rewarded for his “music.”

Do. Not. Get.

You’ll be proud and pleased to note that when I saw this photo, I knew that the girl in the pink was Katy Perry (who, by the way, could not have sucked any harder at the Grammy’s last night.)  I had NO idea, though, who the creature next to her was until I read about all the hype about a giant pregnant person performing at the Grammy’s.  Pictured with Katy Perry is MIA, whose due date was yesterday.

I read that as “Mee-ah” but as it turns out, it’s actually M.I.A.  Like – that’s how she pronounces it.  I cannot tell you how stupid I think it is when hip hop stars name themselves stupid crap like that.  For example, if I were ever in a position to have to speak with Ice Cube or Ice T or Vanilla Ice or any other type of Ice Person, I could not call them by those names.  All I could do is mock them, and then run for dear life.

It cracks me up that Fifty Cent actually has a nickname based on that name.  I understand that he is typically called “Fiddy.”  So stupid.  What IS it about hip hop that requires its performers to adopt these moronic names? 

Perhaps Sarah, devoted mockdocker and expert on the “black culture”, can shed some light on this for us.  Sarah?

If nothing about your day today completely grossed you out, then you’ve come to the right place.  I’m about to remedy that.  Ice T and his wife Coco were interviewed recently about their sex life.  Of note are the following quotes:

Coco: “It’s the Stroke baby. We have a certain Stroke he does and he surprises every now and then with a different Stroke.”

Ice T: “Sex is 90 pecent mental. It happens in the brain, so she thinks my Stroke is special – but it’s the way I’ve got her head believing it’s something special. And that’s what adds to the Stroke. You can come in and hit it on a swing, but it ain’t gonna be the Stroke!”

There.  Now I’m not the only one who has to have that visual.

So I was all prepared to snark on Coco for her lack of fashion sense or any other sense for that matter, when it really struck me how PAINFUL these boobs look.  I mean, these are rock-hard, gargantuous mountains that are protruding out of her, pulling her skin so taut that if she lifted her arms over her head it might actually rip. 

So now, instead of making fun of her Precious Moments pants and her ridiculous puffy purse, I woud like to just send Coco a salute for sacrificing her own skin for the sake of Ice T’s millions.

In the mother of all coincidences, Ice T’s wife is wearing the EXACT same outfit I am planning on wearing to my inlaws’ for Thanksgiving.  I hope we don’t run into each other anywhere!  Awwwkward!