The Mock Dock

I know most of you are like, “OK ALREADY – enough with your stupid trip. Get back to mocking celebrities and freaks now, please.” But in case there are a few of you interested in checking out how glorious the island of Isla Mujeres was, here’s an extremely abbreviated gallery of photos from our trip. Enjoy!

P.S.  You can click each thumbnail for a bigger view.  AND, you can also add photos to your comments now!  YAAAAAY!!  So feel free to post your own vacation pics if you’d like.

I think I told you guys that mockable pickin’s were pretty slim on Isla Mujeres. There just weren’t a lot of mockable people there. But when there were, I was ON IT.

Case in point. LOOK at the belly on this dude. That’s not just a beer belly. That’s like a beer belly on fertility drugs. Mr. Mock and I were kind of horrified at first that this man’s companion was topless, but were relieved to discover that it’s not a FEMALE companion.

Actually, perhaps “relieved” isn’t the right word. But you know what I mean.

We also came upon a dude who really really really thought a lot of himself:

You should have seen the strut on this fellow.  I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if he’d been carrying a full length mirror with him at all times.

And then there was this guy:

I don’t even know.  If it’d have been Vince Vaughn, I would have let it slide.  But this was just a regular dude carrying around a pink bag and wearing a mad hatter hat.

I know those are relatively tame, at least by mockdock standards, but this is why I’m telling you that pickin’s were slim.

I’m going to do one final post with trip photos and then I PROMISE I am done.

After an exhausting day of travel yesterday, we are finally back home with our boys. YAY!

I will get postariffic later today, but for now I have a billion things to take care of first. I’ll tell you this, as glorious as our vacation was, we are glad to be back, even though there is white stuff on the ground that is NOT SAND.

First of all, there is no bed on the earth as awesome as our bed. Even though we got home at 3am and only slept till around 9.30am, it was that kind of super restful sleep that you can only get in your own awesome perfect bed.

And this morning I showered in OUR SHOWER. We have one of those rain showers where the water comes straight down on you like rain and the water pressure is super awesome and the water is soft. Our shower in Isla was the kind where you sort of feel like you’re getting drooled on, and it didn’t matter how much conditioner I used, my hair still felt like straw. My hair is REALLY happy to be home.

That reminds me – there were no hair dryers in the hotel room! Mr. Mock and I always prefer staying in small, family-owned hotels where you get a huge bang for your buck, but the downside is that you don’t get some of the standard amenities that a typical resort would come with. Like hair dryers. We got a bottle of wine and a fruit basket, and a huge jacuzzi tub and giant private balcony, but no hair dryer. I called the front desk about it when we first got there, and the sweet little owner guy brought up the “house” hair dryer for me to use for the week. I’m telling you – Mr. Mock could have just BREATHED on my hair and it would have been just as effective as the house hair dryer. This is why I wore braids the entire week.

Anyway, we’re home. It feels good to be home. I hope to be able to post photos later today from the trip, and show you a couple of the mockable people I captured.

Stay tuned, mockdockers!

I know I said in the last post that I couldn’t upload pics, but I was able to get two on here before it stopped allowing me to load them.  No idea what’s wrong, but am hoping whatever it is freaking STOPS before our trip ends.  How am I to mock stuff with no photographic evidence?

But at least I have this photo.  And what’s so funny about this picture, you might ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Mr. Mock and I boarded the flight yesterday and immediately snatched up the Sky Mall catalog to browse through all the stuff we either can’t afford or is too stupid to buy.  And on one of the pages were these shoes, and I didn’t think anything of them, really, until Mr. Mock said, “Huh.  Sperm shoes.”  And then I noticed the logo and totally laughed my assular area off.

I love when he just makes up stuff like that on the fly.

ANYWAY, the only other picture I can load right now is this one, which is kind of boring, and it’s from the ferry ride from Cancun to Isla.

Pretty, huh?

Anyway, today we had an enormously busy day.  We woke up around 7.30am and went downstairs for breakfast.  After that, we went back to our room and changed into our swimgear and filled the jacuzzi tub.  Then we laid around and read and napped until around 1pm, when we decided it was probably time to get some lunch.  So we showered and went to town (about a 2 minute walk), and had lunch in a sports bar/restaurant across the little road from North Beach.  Totally delish.  I’m one of those people who feel pangs of guilt if I DON’T eat seafood when I’m near a beach.  I just feel like it’s a wasted opportunity somehow.  So I PLOWED through a plate of coconut shrimp.

After that, I bought a hat to wear, because while I love it here, my hair LOATHES Isla.  It’s blonder today, yes, but more manageable it is decidedly NOT.  So it’ll be braids and a hat the rest of the trip, I’m pretty sure.  And then we walked on the beach a bit, looking for mockworthiness, but you guys – everyone here is utterly average looking OR actually attractive.  I haven’t seen a single person I can mock yet.

By this time, it was around 4.30ish, so we headed back to the hotel and laid on the lounge chairs on the beach here.  I spent a little time halfheartedly looking for seashells, knowing if I found any I’d be all, “Ooo look!” and then immediately realize I wouldn’t want to lug it home and throw it back.  At 5.30ish, we headed back to the room and Mr. Mock watched a History Channel story on the Munich Olympics while I finished one of my books, and napped a little.

And now I’m writing this in the lobby, and Mr. Mock is checking scores on his phone, and we just got done listening to a couple with two kids in tow, who just arrived, realize that they are missing an entire piece of luggage, which they believe is in a cab somewhere.  They are freaking, as you might expect, because today is the start of their week long vacation.  Do you guys know how much of a NIGHTMARE that would be for me?  It’s like my biggest vacation fear – not having my suitcase show up.  I always get huge anxiety at baggage claim, CERTAIN that my bag won’t show, and yet to date, it always has.  So I feel for this freaked out couple, because this isn’t exactly a place that has a Super Target where you can go and find discount underwear and tshirts.

Anyway, as you can see we’ve been very busy.    AND, we still have to go nibble on chips and salsa somewhere.  It’s exhausting, but somehow we’ll muddle through.

HOPEFULLY there will be mockworthy pictures tomorrow, or at least PICTURES for crying out loud.  No idea what’s wrong with the uploading feature.  GAWD.

At the risk of having you think I’m being all boastful and braggy and generally impossible to tolerate, I’ve made a decision about my upcoming trip to Isla Mujeres. I AM GOING TO JOURNAL IT here on The Mock Dock. Not in a “Dear Diary, today we took a romantic stroll on the beach and watched the sunset” kind of way, but more in a “OMG – look at the landbeast I took a picture of on the beach today!” kind of way.

A couple of years ago, we went to Zihuatenejo, Mexico – you know the place – it’s the paradise referred to several times in the Best Movie Of All Time – Shawshank Redemption. And I took pictures of these two dudes on the beach who were wearing the skimpiest speedos ever. And, had there BEEN a Mock Dock at the time, I would have shared those pictures with you. But there wasn’t, so I didn’t. I don’t want us to make that same mistake again. We are BOUND to see some funny or odd people in Isla, and I intend to covertly photograph them for you. Because that is how I roll.

Anyway, we have so many millions of things to do before Saturday, and yet here I am, writing to you all. See how dedicated I am? You know what you should do in appreciation? Buy a Mock Dock mug and then photograph yourself with it so I can post it and write a haiku about you and your awesome new mug.

Anyway, so I’ll be checking in with you all from Mexico next week and letting you know what’s going on not only from a vacation perspective, but also from my normal mocking perspective. It’s like a told a buddy of mine – mockery doesn’t get put on hold just because of a vacation. Mockery must continue.

And so it shall, mockdockers. So it shall.