It has taken a while, but I have finally realized what bugs me about Jessica Biel. I saw this picture of her, and when you first look at it, you think, “Well now. Doesn’t Jessica Biel look pretty here? Her hair looks nice, she has pretty skin, just the right amount of make-up, good teeth…yes. She looks pretty.” But then you know what I realized?
Her upper lip looks like a piece of ham.
THAT is what has been preventing me from thinking she’s actually pretty. I can finally rest.
I do NOT get what people find attractive about Jessica Biel. I think she is absolutely completely thoroughly ordinary. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Well, this just happens to be Jessica after a workout. It’s not fair to base a judgment on that. Her bangs are all sweaty and matted and greasy and everything. You know, from her workout.”
But here’s the thing. This was taken at the ESPY awards. You know - where most people DRESS UP, including her boyfriend who was HOSTING the whole thing. This was how she looked DRESSED UP and PRESUMABLY CLEAN.
If you are a boy, and you find Jessica Biel attractive, please come forward and explain yourself at once.
You know how there are some celebrities who can go without make-up and still look radiant and fresh-faced and at the very least presentable?
Jessica Biel is not one of them.
This picture makes me want to give Justin Timberlake a hug of appreciation for going out with the homely girl.
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