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Solid Evidence That Jessica Simpson Is An Alien

You guys - you HAVE to watch this. This is Jessica Simpson performing a song live. Which I have always found to be completely bizarre. She has this way of contorting her face and switching her voice from breathy to full-on yelling - the experience of watching it is similar to what a clinical observation of a previously uncharacterized seizure must be like. You stare in wonder at what’s taking place before you, and you can’t really put it into words - but you know it’s completely WACK.

I will always hate her for destroying Robbie Williams’ song, Angels, and I couldn’t even bring myself to subject you all to her live version of that. But watch this - and then imagine, if you will, what sort of hilarious faces she and John Mayer probably made during their moments of intimacy.

Hey - You Know How When Couples Have Been Together They Can Sort Of Start To Look Alike?

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I kind of get what Tony Romo is doing with his arms.  I mean, one of them is sort of resting against the other, in order to prop it up right there under his chinny chin chin.  But what the hell is going on with Jessica? It looks like she’s punching herself. 

If Jessica Simpson Were an Animal…

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…I think her owner would put her to sleep for looking like this.  She couldn’t look more rabid if she were foaming at the mouth.

Now THIS is How You Make A Marriage Last

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According to Us Weekly,  Pam Anderson and her creepy third husband are going to star in their own reality show, because it worked out so well for Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.  Seeing as how Pam and Rick already have achieved fame through sex tapes, this sort of seems like a step backwards, but whatever.

Update:  Oh yeah, this worked really well for Hulk Hogan too.  And Danny Bonaduce.  And Carmen Electra.  And Britney Spears.  Reality shows truly ARE the recipe of a lasting marriage.

Weirdest. Couple. Ever.

I don’t understand why Cheri Oteri and Jessica Simpson are in the same room together, let alone posing like sorority sisters.