Tag Archive for 'Jewel'

Jessica Simpson Is An Alien, Version 2.0 - Now With Added Extra Terrestrial Jewel

I know I just made you watch Jessica solo, but this was too good not to share. Watch the freak show that is these two singing together. And someone please help me understand what exactly it is that compels them to make the ENGLISH LANGUAGE so absolutely unrecognizable.

And please don’t misunderstand - I’m not arguing that they don’t sing well - because I think in general both Jewel and Jessica have some natural singing talent. But what they’re doing is not singing; rather, it’s sort of a combination howling and moaning whilst carrying a tune.

You’ll see what I’m talking about.

Jewel 3.0


I’m posting this on my sister’s behalf. She haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaates her some Jewel. She is to Jewel, as I am to Smokey McHeiglPants. And you can take that straight to the SAT’s.

Seriously though, I’m feelin’ what she’s sayin’ about Jewel. Remember when she first came out in the 90’s and she was this super cute folksy guitar-playing, poetry-writing girl? Who can save your soul? Jewel could. THEN, she made that “humorous” video which made her this, as my mother would say, sex-pot diva person? Hate.

Well, The Snaggler is back again. NOW, she is apparently Faith Hill. When this doesn’t work, I wonder what she will be next. Perhaps in the year 2016, she will have black short hair, wear all black and sing EMO songs. We’ll know it’s her cause she’ll still have those horrible teeth. Oh snap!