The Mock Dock

BEHOLD:  The neverending saga of Jon and Kate and their hate.

I actually watched the entire ELEVEN MINUTES of this crap. I think there’s something hypnotic about her creepy hair.

She got to not only TALK to my Victoria, but ask her questions and hug her.

SO NOT FAIR.

But aside from that, how FABULOUS is Victoria in this entire segment? She’s MAYJAH and dahling and just sheer, total perfection. LOVE.

According to this, Nadya Suleman thinks she’s vastly superior to Kate Gosselin.  Which is kind of like saying rotten eggs are vastly superior to rotten milk.  They’re both gross, and so on the continuum of superiority, they’re pretty much neck and neck.

Nadya did the bitchy girl type of attack, and said (about bikini pictures of Kate), “It’s so staged. She’s doing it to get people to take pictures of her… I feel like it’s cheating [to get a tummy-tuck]. It’s her choice. If she has enough money to fix herself, let her. I have a better shape, though. I’m sorry, no offense to her.”

But she didn’t stop there.  She also said, “I’m not as attention-seeking [as Gosselin].” 

I am not sure if she said that before or after her TWO HOUR FOX SPECIAL that aired last night.

I can’t tell you how much it pains me to post this, but I feel like I’d be neglecting my celebrity mocking duty to ignore it. Do I feel kinda bad for Kate, even though she was a controlling, crazy nightmare when she was still married to that dillweed? Yes. I do. Because while she’s dealing with a daycare’s worth of children, he’s off boinking drug-using skanks. So yeah – I have a bit of sympathy for her.

But I’m still sick of these people. And I’m sick of them having the nerve to ever say they want to keep anything private EVER, when they have thrown themselves, quite purposefully, into the spotlight whenever they possibly can.

HATE.

Enjoy.

Jon Gosselin.  BEHOLD:  he and his new girlfriend happily prancing around St Tropez while he tries to figure out how to get her a fashion line deal.  This is a father of eight, who just split from his wife like four seconds ago. 

I can’t stand Kate either, don’t get me wrong, but if Jon insists on having a new relationship this quickly after breaking up with the mother of his eight kids, couldn’t he at least wait, I don’t know, like more than four seconds to flaunt it in PUBLIC?  You know those kids are going to see this picture and others like it all over the grocery store tabloids.

Ick.

Update:  Oh yeah – the girlfriend is the daughter of the plastic surgeon who did Kate’s tummy tuck.

One big happy family.

I love this SO MUCH.

And as a day-after birthday present to myself, I’m posting this wretched photo that an alert and astute mockdocker sent me of this wretched beast of a woman.

You know what Holmes said about Kate Gosselin at lunch today?  He said it’s just a matter of time before she’s posing nude for Playboy or some other publication.  He’s probably right.  This is just a tiny bit of blue fabric away from that anyway.

So, I’m in the middle of watching last night’s episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight, because I tivo’d it out of morbid curiosity, and I’ve just hit “pause” because Jon actually used the whole, “We have soldiers dying in Iraq and yet the paparazzi want to know what we ate for lunch” line.

Can I just tell you that there is nothing I hate more than when people who have whored themselves and their children out for fame and riches turn around and COMPLAIN about what it’s like to have fame and riches?  How does that moron not see the irony of him complaining about paparazzi INTO A TELEVISION CAMERA?

So yeah.  They’re getting a divorce because they’re both so completely despicable that they no longer can stand to be around one another.  And the show is taking a hiatus, which is really a blessing for the American public.

HATE.

…DO NOT watch this clip.

I’m serious, you guys.  The irony of Nadya Suleman accusing Kate Gosselin of being an attention-whore is so completely overwhelming that I’m having a hard time even understanding how the earth didn’t just implode as soon as this video was made.

You know how I really really really intensely loathe Ashley Judd?  Nadya Suleman has now passed Ashley on the Mockarena Hatred Dial.

If you’re masochistic, and you watch the video, I can tell you that there is a teeeeeny bit of comfort that comes from the fact that Nadya’s face is verging on alien due to the collagen and botox.  There’s so much eye-rolling in this that you almost start to believe that those eyes will just get stuck way up in there and possibly never come out, which would actually be kinda cool.

HATE.