Suri Cruise is TWO YEARS OLD. Why the heck is she still getting a bottle? Is this a Scientology thing? Is the fact that her mother is slowly morphing into Mary Tyler Moore a Scientology thing?
So many questions.
Tag Archive for 'Katie Holmes'Page 2 of 3
Rumor has it that the friendship between Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes (looking like Victoria’s grandmother in this photo) is over, for reasons which include but aren’t limited to:
1. Scientology
2. The fact that Tom is worried about Katie trying to be as skinny as Victoria
3. Katie calling tattoos “tacky” knowing full well that Victoria has a few
4. Scientology
5. Scientology
You know what’s really retarded? Scientology. The only thing that being involved in Scientology says about you is that you are absurdly impressionable and incapable of independent thought. Victoria may be tattooed and skinny, but she doesn’t believe that she was created by Xenu or that her husband is the only one who can help out in a car accident.
Katie: 0
Victoria: 1
Suri Cruise just turned 2. And her Xenu-following freakparents spent ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS on her birthday party. This apparently included 17k worth of flowers, 45k in catering, and a five thousand dollar CAKE, among other things.
I’m sure while Tom and Katie were busying themselves with the Beckhams and Will Smith and Eva Longoria and all their other fancy friends, Suri was happily nibbling on a piece of grass and playing inside the box her cake came in. BECAUSE TWO YEAR OLDS DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT EXPENSIVE CRAP.
Yes. I’m bitter. They dropped more on a stupid CAKE than I can manage to put in a 529 plan for my kid’s college fund for crying out loud. Jerks.
Katie Holmes is rocking a new hairstyle. Obviously this she found the style in the “Scientology-accepted Cult Hair Styles 2008″.
See that girl that Tom Cruise is having to essentially prop up as they exit a restaurant? That’s all that remains of the girl who used to be Katie Holmes. Look at how utterly helpless and just WRECKED she looks. And frankly, Tom looks as though he’s physically exhausted from having to control her mind all the time.
This is what happens when you become a Scientologist, kids. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Katie Holmes was just recently interviewed, and even though I should probably think it’s sweet and romantic that she’s completely head over heels in love with her husband and daughter, I do not. In fact, I think it’s creepy and I’m pretty much convincd that if you removed her face, there would be circuitry underneath developed by the overlords at Scientology headquarters which automatically spits out this sappy crap. Anyway, read this excerpt for yourself, and see if you don’t want to vomit.
WHAT’S YOUR IDEA OF HEAVEN?
Falling in love with Tom and our daughter. I’m such a lucky woman. Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming.
WHAT WERE YOUR DREAMS AS A CHILD?
To marry Tom Cruise! (Laughs)
HOW DID YOU MEET TOM?
We just went on this great date together, and it’s been wonderful ever since. He’s the most amazing man in the world. I’m so happy. I love him. I feel like he’s made my life.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIM?
He’s just amazing. He’s kind, generous, smart, he’s Tom Cruise - he’s the most artistic man I’ve ever met. He makes me laugh like I’ve never laughed. He’s made me feel joy like I never have before. There are so many things. He’s the most wonderful human being I know.
WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH?
Tom and Suri.
You know what, Katie? My husband is way better than your husband. So you can suck it.
There is something about Katie Holmes that reminds me of a cocker spaniel. The hair maybe? I’m not sure. In any case, isn’t it cute how in Scientology, you match your shoes and purse to your husband’s vest?
Because no one in Hollywood has an ounce of originality anymore, there are reports that Jessica Alba is expecting twins. And so is Jennifer Lopez. And Angelina Jolie. There is NO WAY Scientology will allow Katie Holmes to NOT become pregnant with twins now.
I’m almost 100% certain that Katie Holmes made this dress with the fabric from the backdrop behind her. This could be the most unflattering dress in the history of the world. And I officially hate her hair.
That is all.
Between the red cape Stepford wife, the Scientology freak, Muscle-arms, Unibrow, and Crazy Liberal Lesbian, we’ve got ourselves a circus here.
Recent Comments