The Mock Dock

You guys, I want to mock this.  I really do.  But there is something about this dress that appeals to me, which makes me concerned that I’m developing some sort of immunity to her or something.  Help a sister out.  Is this mockable?  Or, is it in fact, kind of a nice dress?

…Katie Holmes would be a SHOE-IN for his videos.  Katie’s apparently the new face of Miu Miu, about which I know nothing except that she is now the face of it.  And this is from that photo shoot.

LOOK at how well she’d fit in to the Robert Palmer video!

You know, if I ever did a photo shoot and I was asked to make this kind of face, the photo shoot would take approximately 17 days, because that is how long it would take me to stop laughing over being asked to make this kind of face.  I just don’t know how to look this sultry.  I’m pretty sure the only way you can create this expression is through starvation, and frankly, I like pizza way too much to test this hypothesis.

Seriously?  Jorts with stirrup tights and heels?  This is what fashion has been reduced to?

At least she doesn’t look like death just swallowed her up and vomited her back out, like she’s looked in the past few photos I’ve posted.  I’ll give her that.  But this outfit is criminal.

She still looks bad.

Stay tuned for further updates.

Katie Holmes, continuing her streak of looking like the poster child for health and vitality.

…to Katie Holmes’ face.   And whatever it is, Suri is PISSED about it.

Doesn’t the title of this post sound like a tabloid headline?  I came up with it ALL BY MYSELF.  And here’s why.

With this, the 7,456,238th picture of Katie dwarfing Tom Cruise, I think I have finally figured out what’s going on here.  You guys all know that she’s a Scientology prisoner and is probably under some sort of wacked out Zenu spell or something, which is why she keeps up with this marital charade.  But I think what’s happening is that Katie wears heels to silently alert the world that she is not 100% assimilated.  This is her way of saying, “Look, world!  I still have a shred of individuality left, such that I don’t mind making my master husband look like a ridiculous dwarf.  Do you see?  See my heels?  Do you?”

This is my hypothesis, and I’m sticking to it.

Word on the street is that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are in search of a script so that they can play opposite one another in movie, and that the remake of Last Tango in Paris is being considered.

To that I say, eeew.

LOOK at how much shorter he is than Katie.  And they are on LEVEL GROUND.

I’m going to assume that this is a Halloween outfit of some sort, because if it isn’t, I think it’s time for us to all be genuinely somewhat concerned over Katie Holmes’ health.  She looks like DEATH.  I mean, if that’s the look she’s GOING for, and is just throwing the bright orange purse in the mix as a Halloween topper, then job well done, Katie.  Your death look is extremely believable.

First the haircuts and the total elimination of any of Katie’s individuality…and now THIS!!?  They’re both wearing navy blue mansuits now?

You know, I’ve felt sort of apathetic about them up to this point, but this is pushing me riiiiight to the HATE ledge.  This is just Out. Of. Control.