Tag Archive for 'kinoki foot pads'

ABC’s 20/20 and The Mock Dock Go Together Like Peas And Carrots. With A Side Order of Kinoki Foot Pads.

In case you missed it, check out the clip about foot pads from last night’s ABC 20/20, in which The Mock Dock is prominently featured. And now that it’s all over with and out in the open, you get to know how this all happened. SO incredibly cool.

Remember how I posted that final kinoki post in which I said, “hey - if anyone wants to buy the rest of my foot pads, write to me at mockarena@themockdock.com and I will send them to you”? So a couple days later, I get an email from a producer at 20/20, saying he’d be interested in taking the rest of the pads and perhaps even talking to me about my experience with them. At which point I had a total freak out. That freak out was abruptly interrupted by a few moments of skepticism, because it just seemed too good to be true to have been noticed by someone with any kind of credibility or stature. So I googled the producer’s name, and he’s popping up all over IMDB and everywhere with all sorts of credits, and so I allow myself to soak it in for like two seconds before immediately calling the other mockdockers and promptly rendering them completely deaf by freaking out into the phone at them.

Anyway, the next day I chatted with the producer on the phone (NICEST MAN EVER) and he said, “Hey - why don’t you consider doing a video diary recap type of thing of your kinoki experience?” and I said, “Sure!” and then hung up to commence my third total freak out, because the amount of experience I have with creating video is equal to the amount of experience I have performing brain surgery. Which is to say none whatsoever.

So the other multi-talented writers here at the Mock Dock got together with me that weekend and we threw together a roughly 8-minute video. And then that Sunday, I used ACTUAL VIDEO EDITING SOFTWARE to edit and voice over and throw in commentary into the video. Which, if you know me at all, you realize is utterly absurd, because I know nothing about video editing software. This is why it took me 7 hours to edit 8 minutes of video. Anyway, I sent it to the producer with very limited amounts of hope that it would actually be considered, let alone used.

But you know what? This producer happens to be the NICEST MAN EVER, and he either liked me or he felt really really sorry for me, and he kept me up to date on the progress of their story, and ultimately, this past Thursday night, wrote to me and said the following magical magical words: YOU ARE IN.

And even then, while I was smack dab in the middle of freak out number four, I thought - Well, they’ll probably use like a 1 second shot of my foot or something. But they ended up not only using quite a few bits of me, but also our website name was featured at the bottom of the screen for all kinds of seconds. And all of us mockdockers were here watching, in my living room, in one huge collective freak out. Best Night Ever.

So there you have it. Check out the whole kinoki experiment right here. And for the tens of you out there who read our site, count yourselves as part of the beginning of what we hope is a long and successful blogging adventure. Thanks for the visits!!

The Mother Of All Kinoki Foot Pad Updates

I have the MOST exciting news of all time to share with you all.  All 26 of you.  We have been referenced on ABC.com’s website as part of tonight’s story on 20/20 which features JOHN FREAKING STOSSEL doing an investigative report on the foot pad phenomenon. The photo above is just that - a photo - but it’s a screen capture from the PREVIEW OF TONIGHT’S SHOW.  Here’s the article.  The Mock Dock is all over page one, people.  And we’ll be shown a bit on the show at 10pm EST TONIGHT!!!!

We might get like 25 more readers now!! We’ve hit the big time!!!

Demi Moore Enjoys Bleeding

You guys. Demi Moore has officially lost her mind. Just listen to her talk about the gloriousness of having leeches suck the toxins out of her.

She should have just tried some kinoki foot pads.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #8 - I’m Done

Rather than subject you to the MOST DISGUSTING FOOT PAD OF ALL TIME this morning, here’s a baby meerkat.

Maybe it’s because I slept in, so the footpad was on 3 hours longer than usual.  Maybe it’s because I had chinese for dinner and there were lots of MSG toxins in my body.  I don’t know the reason, but what I do know is that I cannot put up with the stench of these things for another day.

My husband, who came home after a week of traveling ready to test these things out, saw (and smelled) this morning’s pad, and surprise (!), he no longer has much interest in becoming a superhero after all.  That is how gross they are.  Being an analytical person, he tried to identify the odor and came up with charcoal and cork.  I don’t know enough to disagree, except that I’ve been around both of those things at one time or another, and neither made me want to ralph as bad as these foot pads do.

So, mockdockers, I’m afraid that this experiment is going to come to a close.  For those of you who came to the mockdock specifically for the footpad experiment, I encourage you to stick with us, as we intend to try out all sorts of hyper-marketed gizmos and gadgets in the future, and will happily take suggestions from our readers about which ones to try next.

p.s.  If anyone is interested in purchasing kinoki foot pads, send me a note at mockarena@themockdock.com.  I’ll send them to you for the low low price of whatever it will cost to ship them to you.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #7 - Instructions For Use

 

First things first.  I thought instead of posting a picture of this morning’s foot pad looking pretty much EXACTLY THE SAME as the one from my right foot two nights ago, I would treat you to something more visually appealing.  Hence, the sugar glider.

So yesterday I said I’d share with you the instructions provided with the Kinoki Foot Pads on their proper use.  Aside from the application instructions, which I’m including below, they also include general directions, which are things like “Alternate feet every night” and “When the pads start showing signs of lightening, use them just once or twice a week for maintenance”.

But the application instructions are totally wack.  Here they are (italicized - with my reactions NOT italicized):

1. Wash and dry your feet, or body part before applying Detox patch. Body part? Huh? They are called Kinoki FOOT Pads, so where else would I put ‘em?
2.  Take one adhesive sheet and slowly peel off paper (leave top portion for easy handling). Simple enough, except that there is no telling which is the top portion and which is the bottom, and the only thing not easy about handling them is how to keep the stinky rank smell off of your hands. This is the point at which I’m already sticking it onto my foot. 
3.  Place Detox Patch onto its center, ensuring sachets writing is facing the adhesive surface. I’m not kidding you.  This is word for word what it says.  And it’s bad enough that they say the word sachet.  But here’s the clincher.  There is NO WRITING ANYWHERE ON THE PAD.  So what does this directive even mean? 
4.  Remove the remaining paper backing.  Whaa?  At this point, I’ve been wearing the thing for 5 minutes already.
5.  Paste Detox patch with adhesive sheet onto the soles of your feet.  This is all they needed to say in the first place.  I am pretty sure that the direct japanese translation of “sachet” is “send us more money, sucker”.  It’s subliminal advertising.  Japanese jerks.

I slept like crap last night.  And you know what else?  There IS something that has changed about the way I feel during waking hours.  I now feel bitter and hostile toward kinoki foot pads.

I’m not sure I can do 8 more nights of this without completely crushing my spirit.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #6 - What the Hell?

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These kinoki pads are starting to completely freak me out.  Here’s this morning’s left foot result.  It is MORE TOXIC than yesterday or the day before.  This could be SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE that Holmes’ theory of an immunity developing over time isn’t accurate, and could also mean that my husband’s dreams won’t be shattered.

Or, it could mean that watching American Idol causes the toxins in your body to increase. 

Now again, I need to just keep it real y’all and let you know that in my waking hours, I don’t feel any different.  I truly don’t.  BUT, I am getting fantastic sleep.  Ever since that first night when the vile stench of the kinoki pads would actually rouse me from sleep, I’ve slept like a log.  I’ve decided that could mean one of the following:

1.  Kinoki Foot Pads remove sleep-prohibiting toxins from your body or
2.  Staying up past my bedtime to watch American Idol makes me so tired that even the vile stench of Kinoki Foot Pads can’t wake me up

In either case, we’ve got ourselves an official mystery here.  Tonight will mark Night Number Three of using the pad on my right foot, and I have nine pads left.  Tomorrow, I will share with you the directions given on the Kinoki Foot Pad package.  You’d think it’d be easy, right?  Like, “Stick the pad on your foot and go to bed.”  Well, it isn’t.  In fact, there is one step listed in the directions that I don’t even understand.  Hopefully you’ll be able to help.

More tomorrow.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #5

I didn’t take a picture today, because the pad looked exactly the same as yesterday’s.  And it should be stated that I switched back to the right foot.  So I’m exactly as toxic today as I was yesterday.  Which is sort of a bummer.

Holmes came up with a theory on why the pad might be getting less gross.  He thinks the vacuum dirt that is contained within each pad causes some sort of initial chemical reaction which results in the totally nastiness the first night, but that your body develops sort of an immunity to it until gradually there IS no reaction.  This sounded plausible to me.  I relayed this theory to my husband, who refused to accept it, because he’s so convinced that he is going to become a superhero.  And who am I to shatter his dreams?

Anyway. More updates to come.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #4 - Not To Brag Or Anything, But I’m Totally Less Toxic Today

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This is the result of Day 2 of the Kinoki Foot Pad trial.  It should be mentioned that this pad was used on my other foot (as directed).  I wasn’t going to post another Kinoki update for a few days because I thought it would take longer to see a change, but as you can see, compared to yesterday, it’s not really taking all that long. So, I think what we can glean from this is one of the following: 

a) My left foot isn’t as toxic as my right foot, or

b) Day 2’s foot pad shows less toxicity in my body overall due to the efficacy of this remarkable product, or

c) I got a defective foot pad last night, or

d) This whole thing is a sham and Mr. Kinoki-san is watching me from his palace using a bajillion dollar telescope paid for by the shipping costs that all the poor saps who bought this product had to dole out.

I don’t know what to think, you guys.  I still don’t have any superpowers that I’m aware of.  I feel pretty much the same as I always have, only maybe slightly more sarcastic.  Does that count?

Stay tuned.

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #3 and WARNING - Graphic Photo

So you wanna see what happened with the foot pads last night?  Continue reading ‘Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #3 and WARNING - Graphic Photo’

Kinoki Foot Pads: Official Report #2

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The wait is over, Mockdockers.  The sleepless nights, the wondering, the agonizing over whether or not the Kinoki Foot Pads would ever reach me - it’s finally come to an end. 

THEY HAVE ARRIVED.

I will test one out tonight, but wanted to provide you with a true play-by-play update.  The kind you’ve come to expect from me.  And that means you need to know everything about these foot pads.  For instance, you need to know that it cost SIXTEEN DOLLARS to ship them.  They were shipped regular mail, and it took approximately eight weeks to get here.   So I think it’s safe to assume that Mr. Kinoki-san is sitting in some palace somewhere mocking me for buying into this crap.

Anyway, my first impression, after removing one pad from its sterile protective envelope (pictured above) is that they REEK.  And, you can see that there is like a smaller square of stuff sort of within the big square.  To ensure that I was providing you all with the most in-depth reporting possible, I tore a little hole into that square of stuff to check it out.  And it’s basically dirt.  Like the kind of dirt that you empty out of your vacuum cleaner.  Only stinkier.

The amount of faith I have that applying vacuum dirt to the bottom of my foot will make me feel like a superhero is approximately equal to the amount of faith I have that Ashley Judd will cease to be mentioned by Nascar.  Minus pi.

So basically very little faith.

Nevertheless, I made a promise to my 17 faithful readers that we would follow through with this first ever MockDock experiment, and I intend to do just that.  Check back tomorrow, when you’ll see photographic evidence of what the foot pad looks like after I peel it off. 

Let the good times roll.