The Mock Dock

Lindsay Lohan appears to have a run in her hosiery, and I understand that nail polish serves as a quick fix.

This isn’t a new fashion trend, is it?  Is Lindsay Lohan going to start selling completely demolished hosiery as part of her leggings line?  Because I could be her top designer for that particular line.  I’m an expert at running hose.

Breathing Update:  I still can’t.  FYI.

…this is advertised as some photo shoot starring Lindsay Lohan and a couple of other people, but I don’t know – to me it looks like the preview of a porn movie where the stars are all strung out on meth.

You be the judge. And be forewarned, there is nippular and buttockular nudity involved.

This has become so uninteresting that I thought twice about posting it, but figured you guys would think I was shirking my celebrity mocking responsibilities if I didn’t provide a bizarre Lady Gaga outfit at least once every few weeks.

P.S.  An alert and astute mockdocker wrote me today saying I hadn’t written about Amy Winehouse in awhile.  And you know what?  You’re RIGHT!  You’ll be happy to know she’s still alive, AND she has new fake boobs.

P.P.S.  Lindsay Lohan is looking positively WRECKED lately:

Lindsay Lohan is either suffering from progeria, or her collagen injections and love of the sun has aged her like 20 years in the last couple of months.  Holy crap she looks ANCIENT.

Speaking of old, Mr. Mock and I went to a school meeting for Junior Mock last night, as if we were Real Adults.  There is concern that his school, which is fabulous, might close down, which would be sucky.  We didn’t really learn anything last night that we didn’t already know, but we had an Adult Conversation about the meeting on the way home, and just in general behaved as grown-ups.

I’m so relieved that’s over.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo, and I actually really love this dress, but wow – this is just the worst spray tan job EVER.  She must have had Lindsay Lohan do it.  Either that, or the spray tan technician person HATES Kristin Cavallari.

How do you see yourself in a full length mirror and think this looks ok?

You know what that reminds me of? Remember when Ashley Judd went to the premiere of one of her movies on crutches, and her makeup artist applied really dark foundation to her face and neckular area, but her arms and chest were ghostly white?  I loved that SO MUCH.

BEHOLD:

It’s probably not healthy for me to be as gleeful about those pictures as I am.  But I am GLEEFUL about them.

I took a nap this afternoon, and when I woke up, one of the first things I saw were these pics of Lindsay Lohan.  And I actually went directly to a mirror, to make sure that it wasn’t EVERYONE who aged 72 years during my nap.

Happily, I still look the same.  But holy crap Lindsay Lohan is apparently now 84 years old.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo today and I nearly hurled.  I mean, does she not own a comb?

(See what I did there? I made you think I hadn’t noticed her horrific and painful skinniness.  Even though of course I DID notice it, because I’m alive and have the gift of sight.)

A couple of alert and astute mockdockers have sent me the new Lindsay-Lohan-Makes-Fun-Of-Herself video, and so I’m posting it. But I’m telling you right now that I’m not impressed. For an ACTRESS, I would have appreciated a little more memorizing and a little less cue-card reading. But perhaps she was just too drunk at the time.

Stevie Nicks.  According to this,  Stevie Nicks is none too pleased about the prospect of Lindsay Lohan portraying her in a movie about her life.  She told the NYT that it would happen, “Over my dead body. She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we’ll talk.”

I would have thought drug use would be a prerequisite for playing Stevie Nicks in a biopic, but apparently not.

I’m finding the latest celebrity gossip to be so tiresome lately.  But I know you guys like it, so I’m going to try and summon up some energy to talk about some of it.  Here goes.

1.  Jessica Simpson was apparently dropped from her country record label.  Because, you know, she sucks and stuff.

2.  Lindsay Lohan and that scowly girlfriend of hers broke up, and Lindsay has blabbed the entire story to US Magazine.  Because, you know, she hates publicity and she’s super classy.

3.  Billy Bob Thornton was a complete ass in a recent interview, and subsequently people have been booing at him at his shows.  Because, you know, he’s a musician now.  Actually, the interview is pretty entertaining.  He compares himself to Tom Petty, which is kind of hilarious.

4. Sarah Michelle Gellar is pregnant.

5. Farrah Fawcett has been released from the hospital after internal bleeding related to her anal cancer got under control. The bad news is that apparently the cancer has spread to her liver. This totally bums me out, because she was a Charlie’s Angel, for crying out loud. And you know how much I loved them.

Anyway, that should catch you up.