The Mock Dock

According to this, Mariah Carey is pregnant.

I don’t have much to say, except that I already feel bad for the kid and it’s not even fully cooked yet.

Anyway, here’s a basket full of hideous cats.

And that’s just me being NICE about her.

Anyway, Mariah Carey won an award for her acting in the movie Precious, and this video clip is just the first part of her wacked out acceptance speech, in which she is completely punch-worthy. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the speech, but can only assume it was SO awful, that whoever created this video was too mortified to keep recording.

HATE.

You can’t tell me that dogs aren’t offended by her high notes. There is NO WAY that her dolphin shrieks don’t irritate dogs.

I think I may have said this before, but it really bugs the crap out of me that she always has a hand up. It’s either just hanging out near her face -palm out, or she’s pointing up (because that helps her hit the dog-abusing notes) or she’s fluttering her fingers. I want, just once, for her to sing a song handcuffed, just to see if she could even do it.

HATE.

That is all.

According to this,  Pariah Carey believes that the reason her horrific debut movie Glitter did so poorly at the box office is because it came out on 9/11.  This is the first time in history that I can recall a celebrity blaming their own failure on a terrorist attack.  But this is Pariah, so it shouldn’t really come as any big surprise.

She said, “That movie was released on September 11th, 2001 – could there be a worse day for that movie to come out? I don’t think so.  I don’t even know that many people even saw the movie so I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever done.  Glitter was a learning experience and I wouldn’t do it again if you paid me. But I didn’t have representation or anyone to tell me: ‘What you need is a great director’.”

So, slight correction.  It bombed because of 9/11 and because of her director.

Got it.

I don’t even know what this outfit IS.  Is it exercise gear?  Is it clubwear?

You know what this dress looks like?  A ruffled swimcap.   Or the kind of kneesock a 2nd grader would wear. 

I had almost forgotten how much I hated her until I saw this photo.

It’s snowing outside, Pariah.  Put your cleavage away for God’s sake.

So this 9 year old girl went on a news show as part of some “Make a kid’s ultimate dream come true” thing. And apparently her big dream was to meet Mariah Carey. Already, then, there is reason to question this kid. Because Mariah Carey is a demon.

Anyway, Mariah comes out with like, TRUCKLOADS of presents for this kid, and she could not look LESS excited. She’s seriously the most unenthusiastic person EVER. Particularly for someone who has just apparently had their LIFELONG DREAM COME TRUE. She barely even smiles when the TV producers come out with more presents for her, including a $500 gift certificate. And I don’t think it’s nerves. I genuinely think this kid is just one of the most boring kids ever.

I try really hard not to rip on defenseless kids, because, well, they’re defenseless KIDS. But if you’re a kid who likes Mariah Carey, I’m going to have to rip on you. And if you’re a kid whose DREAM it is to meet Mariah Carey, and then you meet her, and you have an opportunity to ask her anything you want and you ask her what her favorite color is, well, I’m going to have to rip on you even more.

Please have your parents use that gift certificate to buy you an actual personality. Thank you.

Mariah Carey looks like a big giant bag of swollen ass in this photo.  

I Hate Mariah Carey = Mockdock posts photo of her looking like a big giant bag of swollen ass (in case you’re new here).