The Mock Dock

It’s snowing outside, Pariah.  Put your cleavage away for God’s sake.

So this 9 year old girl went on a news show as part of some “Make a kid’s ultimate dream come true” thing. And apparently her big dream was to meet Mariah Carey. Already, then, there is reason to question this kid. Because Mariah Carey is a demon.

Anyway, Mariah comes out with like, TRUCKLOADS of presents for this kid, and she could not look LESS excited. She’s seriously the most unenthusiastic person EVER. Particularly for someone who has just apparently had their LIFELONG DREAM COME TRUE. She barely even smiles when the TV producers come out with more presents for her, including a $500 gift certificate. And I don’t think it’s nerves. I genuinely think this kid is just one of the most boring kids ever.

I try really hard not to rip on defenseless kids, because, well, they’re defenseless KIDS. But if you’re a kid who likes Mariah Carey, I’m going to have to rip on you. And if you’re a kid whose DREAM it is to meet Mariah Carey, and then you meet her, and you have an opportunity to ask her anything you want and you ask her what her favorite color is, well, I’m going to have to rip on you even more.

Please have your parents use that gift certificate to buy you an actual personality. Thank you.

Mariah Carey looks like a big giant bag of swollen ass in this photo.  

I Hate Mariah Carey = Mockdock posts photo of her looking like a big giant bag of swollen ass (in case you’re new here).

Like Pariah Carey’s sideboob?  Jump in.

Continue reading ‘Wanna See Something Gross?’

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this clip of some Korean kid singing Pariah Carey’s song “Touch My Body.” And even though for all intents and purposes, this is a huge massacre of an already annoying song, I would choose listening to this kid over listening to Pariah any day of the week.

You know what struck me as the oddest thing about this? This kid is in what appears to be a recording studio. Who would allow this and why?

…that Pariah Carey SUCKED ASS at the performance in London which required 27 pieces of luggage. BEHOLD – the worst performance of Hero EVER.

You can flutter your hand around your face all you want, Mariah, but it’s not helping.

HATE.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an article about Pariah Carey arriving in London for a performance she’s going to do on The X-Factor.  She will be there for 3 days.  Do you know what she brought with her for her 3-day stay?

TWENTY SEVEN PIECES OF LUGGAGE.

I am not making this up.

I’m a chronic overpacker, as Mr. Mock would gladly tell anyone who will listen, because by default he ends up having to haul all my crap around whenever we go anywhere.  But seriously – twenty seven bags?  For three days?

I hate that wretched cow.  And because I hate her, here’s a picture of her when she was fatter.

I hate hate hate hate Mariah Carey so much.  She and her husband dressed up like a slutty firefighter and a firefighter, respectively, for Halloween.  You know what she needs, besides like 42 pounds of oil control powder?  A punch in the face.

You know what else I hate?  I hate that halloween costume stores are FILLED with slutty versions of almost every profession, and only slightly stocked with regular versions of professions.  You can be a slutty nurse, or a slutty pilot, or apparently, a slutty firefighter, but if you want to just look like an ACTUAL nurse or pilot or firefighter, you’re basically SOL.  This is why I wore a nun costume this year.  Because it’s kinda hard to sluttify a nun, plus you can eat a lot and not worry about having to hold your stomach in.  So win-win.

God I hate her. You know, she’s kind of getting to that age where this outfit is no longer appropriate. In fact, I don’t know that this outfit is appropriate for ANY age, because it’s hideous. You know what I really hate? I hate her speaking voice. I do not understand how she is able to sing at all when her speaking voice sounds like a toad with strep throat.

So I was pretty excited about that Zohan movie coming out, because based on the previews I had high hopes that it could actually be quite funny. But after seeing this clip, in which that beast – Mariah Carey – makes a cameo, I am officially refusing to see it.

You know who could really provide some helpful tips to Mariah to improve her acting skills?

Britney Spears. That’s how bad Mariah is. Mariah should now be aspiring to reach the same acting heights of Britney Spears.