Tag Archive for ‘Michael Lohan’ at The Mock Dock

Tag Archive for 'Michael Lohan'

Oh, It’s On Now: Version 2.0

Published

on August 28, 2008

. 3 Comments

You didn’t really think Michael Lohan was going to take all that without responding, did you? This time, though, instead of reaching out to US Weekly or In Touch or his usual reputable outlets, he went straight to ABC News, which, unfortunately is actually allowing him to use them as a platform. He had this to say:

Who’s out of control? Whose life is out of control? Give me a break. Going from place to place, being dragged around by Samantha so she can make more money off of Lindsay being there when she spins … She’s gone from making $7 million to less than a million a movie. Who’s out of control? I go to church. I go and help people in rehab. That’s control. How can she say I’m out of control?

I want Lindsay to be in a good place. When I started looking at what Samantha was doing, dragging Lindsay to clubs, drinking around Lindsay … Samantha is one of the biggest problems in her life. That’s what Dina told me. I’m reacting on what Dina said, but then Dina steps out of the picture because she wants to look like the good guy.

Dina’s a two-face. She wants to try to look good and stay on Lindsay’s good side instead of being a good parent. I don’t give two hoots about my relationship with Lindsay as a friend. One day she’s going to turn around to me and tell me, ‘Daddy, you were right.’

If they’re going to say I’m lying, I’m out of control, I’m going to show that they’re lying and they’re out of control.

I think I can safely speak for all of us when I say that Michael Lohan would serve himself well to shut his piehole.

Oh, It’s ON Now.

Published

Mockarena

on August 28, 2008

in Celebrity

. 5 Comments

So I hadn’t mentioned it before, because I couldn’t summon up enough energy to care, but a couple days ago, Lindsay Lohan’s dad talked to the media about how disappointed he was in Lindsay’s relationship with the shemale in the picture above.

Michael Lohan is like, the creepiest of creeps, and insists on trying to have a relationship with his daughter via OK Magazine and US Weekly. So now, to my delight, both Lindsay and her beloved have taken to the blogosphere to denounce him. It’s kind of awesome. Read their entries in full after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Oh, It’s ON Now.’

Michael Lohan Is Hilarious

Published

Mockarena

on August 6, 2008

in Britney, Celebrity and Mockery

. 1 Comment

So you know how the other day, I posted that Anderson Cooper slam-on-Living-Lohan video? Since then, Dina Lohan has come out with a wise and ominous retort; specifically, she said this would be “bad karma” for Anderson Cooper. She gave this exclusive comeback to the always-factual and well-reputed OK Magazine.

But none of that is as hilarious as Michael Lohan running as fast as he could to Access Hollywood to say, among other things, that “…Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself.”

Oh, hi Michael. Let me introduce you to my friend, Irony.

Michael Lohan is physically incapable of keeping his opinion to himself. His opinions are as publicized as Britney’s hoo-ha.

Why, Your Bicep! It Looks So Unposed And Natural And Only Very Coincidentally Completely Flexed!

Published

Mockarena

on July 1, 2008

in Celebrity and Mockery

. 5 Comments

So apparently Michael Lohan has taken a DNA test to figure out if some chick named Ashley, who’s 13, is his daughter. This potential sister to Lindsey and Ali might be the product of a relationship Michael had with someone other than Dina.

Michael doesn’t really believe the kid is his but if tests prove otherwise, he’s ready to step up and take responsibility. Because, you know, another kid could easily be whored out for profit. I guarantee if this kid is his, she will be the subject of a reality show with Michael, and it will be all about the developing relationship between a reunited father and daughter - which will be meant to pull at our heartstrings but will actually make us seriously consider group suicide. Mark my words - he is going to get a CRAPLOAD of mileage out of this.

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Published

Mockarena

on May 27, 2008

in Celebrity and Mockery

. 2 Comments

In what could be the greatest coup for OK Magazine EVER, Michael Lohan is going to do a weekly opinion column for them about Dina Lohan’s stupid new reality show. It’s so awesome, because he’s going to try and appear to be the logical sensible reasonable protective dad, by essentially calling Dina out for exploiting the kids, while he in turn gets paid to further exploit them by ripping on the show.

It’s brilliant!

Here’s his first column on Episode One (which was named, vomitoriously and gagaliciously, Mommy Will Fix It):

“Soooooo, you want a comment on the first episode of Living Lohan?

Well, let’s see… If I were to look at things from a wordly perspective, I would probably have a lot to say about exploitation, hypocrisy and even deception — and maybe at a later date, I might just do so.

For now, let’s just say I’m still trying to figure out if this show is about managing Ali’s career and being a “real” mother, or reading tabloids.

I’ve had a sneak peek at some future episodes and I will say that some of the people Dina surrounds the kids with still concerns me — again, I can address that when they appear on the show. I just hope Dina takes the high road — like a Lohan would — and rights these wrongs.

If this show is about the being a mother and a manager, the most important thing is to set a good example by instilling positive values, and doing what’s right for the kid’s sake. Not for our own!

I wish Ali, Cody and Dina the best on the show and pray that they get what they want out of it.”

I am starting to totally fall in love with the absurdity of this family. LOVE!