So word on the street is that Paula Abdul and her much younger boy toy have split. Seeing Paula Abdul’s name on the web today reminded me of an early early clip of her, when she was just starting out in her career. And happily, I was able to find it on youtube.
You guys - this is the most painful thing you might witness in quite some time. It’s not even singing so much as bleating. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
According to this, Paula Abdul fought and fought and fought to get David Hernandez and that horrible Danny Noriega into the top 24 on American Idol because they were needed due to them “being very open about being gay.”
This totally pisses me off. This is like a total gay version of affirmative action. Why push for two dudes who weren’t the most talented to get on a show that’s supposedly about talent?
Paula apparently became really emotional when talking about all of this because in her “real” life, most of her friends are gay. ”My whole life,” she said as she started to cry. “…has been surrounded by marvelous, wonderful gay people.”
I don’t doubt that’s true. I’m sure she’s a total gay magnet. But this whole idea of putting two jokers on the show simply BECAUSE they’re gay is really annoying.
God I hate Mariah Carey. And you know what I especially hate? The way she points and flutters her hand around her own face when she sings, as if she’s conducting herself. And when she goes for the high notes, she points up, as if to say, “Observe commoners - as I reach high notes right in front of you.” I hate her SO MUCH. And you know what else I hate? The fact that Paula Abdul wore an entire bouquet of flowers around her neck last night. What was that about?
According to this, Paula Abdul is not as crazy as we might have thought. She’s actually much crazier. She said, “Most people say I look better than I ever have. It feels good when I see young boys staring at me, saying, ‘I wish my mom looked that hot!’
Somehow she has completely missed the fact that when young boys are staring at her, it’s for one of two reasons. They are looking at her in fear, or they’re looking at her the way they’d look at, say, a woman with 6 arms.
There there, Paula. Have another drink.
So this is Paula Abdul’s new music video. And here’s the thing. Even though it’s approximately 2 minutes too long, I……well, I like it.
There. I said it. My husband, when he reads this, is likely to file divorce papers, but I felt the need to be honest with you all. I feel like, if I were in a club which had a dance floor, and this song came on, I might be compelled to dance to it. Like there’s no tomorrow even.
Do you think this is some sort of side effect to the Kinoki Foot Pads? Is that possible?
Have you ever looked at Tori Spelling’s boobs and thought that there was a totally wacked out canyon in between them? Well, it appears that Tori’s got herself a boob twin.
And listen! Funny story. Paula was recently having a private moment sitting on a public toilet when to her dismay she looked up and saw that some crazed fan was taking her photo over the partition wall. Paula’s reaction? She said, “No, no, that’s not cool.” Which I thought was a pretty mild response, considering.
I don’t know. He looks a little scared to me. Like there’s been a threat of a spanking if he doesn’t behave. Or it could be that he realizes how totally gay his suit is.
Paula Abdul, widely known for her lucidity and ability to hide her emotions, has apparently lost another gig, in what can only be described as one of life’s great injustices.
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