An alert and astute mockdocker sent this photo to me today, and after spending the entire afternoon around wholesome, adorable children at Mini-Mock’s NICU reunion picnic, I have to admit I was ready to see something inappropriate. There weren’t even any landbeasts or freakishly-clad people at the picnic. It was all totally a scene right out of Leave It To Beaver.
My laptop is back in my possession, but since it’s basically been wiped clean, everything is all out of order and out of sorts and just in general not the way I like it, so I’m all pouty and annoyed and irritated.
So, if any of you have a good joke to tell me, now’d be the time.
My 2.5 year old was born enormously prematurely, and spent 8 weeks in NICU, growing meat on his bones and figuring out how to do important stuff like breathe and eat and maintain normal body temperature before he could come home. One of the privileges he gets as an NICU graduate is an invitation to the annual NICU Reunion picnic held each summer. Today, we went. And this landbeast is the first thing we saw. My mom was with me, since Mr. Mock is traveling, and I said, “Mom – hold mini-Mock’s hand a second – I gotta take a picture for the mockdock.”
This is the extent to which this blog has infiltrated my life.
Anyway, this enormous person was sitting, in the middle of the lawn, watching people sign in, and inexplicably wearing a plastic firehat. She wasn’t the only attraction at the event – we also saw a grown woman in short shorts with more cellulite than I have ever seen on a person IN MY LIFE cut in line in front of masses of excited and eager children, to ride a pony. I would have taken photos of the mount and dismount for you, but admittedly was so jarred by what I was seeing that I completely forgot. I can’t tell you how much pity I had for that pony. I watched, mesmerized, as one of the volunteers helped this woman dismount the poor creature, and it was literally in stages – like, her legs first, and then all of the cellulite from her legs followed, and then her torso, and then the subgut from her torso, and then her arms, and then the flaps under her arms. It was that bad. And what the hell? The ride was for KIDS. She was older than I am, for crying out loud.
Next year, I’ll be sure to be on the lookout for PonyRider McCellulite early, and will capture the horror on film for you all. Promise.
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