There is no question that Renee Zellweger always looks like she’s eaten a lemon. We’ve discussed this here and here and here before. But you know what I realized when I saw this picture? It’s not so much that she looks like a lemon sucker (which she obviously does), it’s that her face seems like it doesn’t have enough elasticity to support the expressions she wants to make.
Case in point: this photo, in which she is probably laughing hysterically, but barely able to squeak out a tiny smile. Maybe this is really what’s going on here. Maybe she has some sort of human elasticity disorder.
I could really be on to something here, you guys. Maybe this post will catch the attention of Important Medical People who will study her and end up naming this elasticity disorder after her, and it’ll be called something like Zellwegorian Elasticity Reduction Syndrome* or something really important sounding like that, and the asterisk will forever more be footnoted at the bottom of really important scientific/medical documents as saying “Discovered by Mockarena” and then I will be paid millions of dollars for my important medical discovery.
I don’t think you all realize how famous I could potentially become. You should really start appreciating me more.
According to this, Renee Zellweger doesn’t care about motherhood. Which is cool and all, considering the fact that there is no way in hell that her body could possibly have the ability to conceive a child, given the fact that she is way too skinny to have periods at this point.
Anyway, when she talks about it, it’s in that really irritating way that people do when they want you to think they don’t care about having kids, but it’s really because they just don’t have a boyfriend to have them with, and so they don’t come right out and SAY they never want kids, and instead they just say stuff like, “I want to be independent” and “Whatever happens will happen” and “Could someone please pass me another lemon to suck on”, etc. She said:
“Motherhood has never been an ambition. I don’t think like that. I never have expectations like, ‘When I’m 19 I’m going to do this, and by the time I’ve hit 25 I’m going to do that’. I just take things as they come, each day at a time, and if things happen then all well and good. I just want to be independent and be able to take care of myself. Anything else is just gravy. I’m very happy, I like my work and I don’t want fame and fortune and all the free stuff.”
Translation: I want kids.
p.s. Bunny – this picture is especially for you.
Renee Zellweger appears to have a new boyfriend. She also appears to have developed a second facial expression (other than her standard lemon-sucking one) which involves sticking her upper lip out while she’s smiling, which kind of makes her look like a stroke victim.
Do you see how her boyfriend is avoiding looking directly into her face? He knows better. He seems to have chosen the top of her ear as his focal point.
I hate her hair.
Renee Zellweger’s shoulder bones should be classified as potentially lethal weapons, and she should be barred from boarding any planes until she puts on 10 pounds.
I kinda want someone to actually just go ahead and FEED her a lemon, just to see what happens with her face when she truly does have something sour. Can you even imagine? It would probably defy normal expression and end up in some sort of medical manual about abnormal faces. This is NOT RIGHT.
Snooty McLemonSucker is not looking good these days. Aside from her pasty shiny puffiness, she now is sporting the Worst. Haircut. Ever. It’s like her hairdresser stopped midway through the cut after deciding that it was hopeless.
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