The Mock Dock

September 20 – that’s the day that Robbie Williams’ new tell-all is being released. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

How much do you love his accent? CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF IT.

They are an INSANELY beautiful couple.  Ridiculous.  I would kill for her hair.  And I’m officially irritated that this magazine is not available for purchase in the US.  That I know of.

Excerpt from the article: “An excitable Robbie couldn’t contain his pride as he saw his beautiful bride for the first time, explaining that ‘Ayda looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. The setting was so magical, and to be surrounded by family and close friends and then see Ayda appear looking so radiant was almost too much for me to take… I’m the happiest man alive‘”.

Awww. Doesn’t he sound so sweet, so romantic, so heterosexual?

LOVE.

According to this, he got married yesterday.

TO A WOMAN.

The same woman, in fact, who appears below:

That’s his long time GIRLFRIEND, Ayda Field. Now his wife. With whom he’ll likely have babies. And continue to NOT BE GAY.

If I weren’t already married to the hottest man alive, I’d be mourning right now. Instead, I’m happy for Robbie, and hopeful that his new marriage will inspire him to write lots of awesome songs and then tour. In Indianapolis. At my house.

Greatest Hits album being released in a couple months.  This is the album cover.

That is all.

I got an email today from an alert and astute mockdocker who had a dream about me and Robbie Williams.

That pretty much makes us insta-friends.

I’m reprinting the dream here in its entirety:

Been reading BOTH of your blogs recently and i think that is why it was in my head, but i had a dream that Robbie Williams was working at the register at a new target store in my area (which in reality is a kroger store) bc, his tour didn’t start till summer. I of course went right up to his register bc the pregnant 16 y/o. working the desk next to his was oblivious to his surroundings. So he does the whole “welcome to target did you find everything…blah blah bah” To which I coyly reply “why don’t you sing that for me, Sir?”
so He is all blushing, and modest and SINGS THE REST OF THE TRANSACTION discreetly and asks me not to tell anyone for fear of being recognized.
I do as I am asked and exit the store down a flight of stairs covered in brown shag carpeting like the house i grew up in, and THAT is when i see YOUwalking in the stroe. I know, in my head, (in my dream) that although Robbie might not get me those tickets to his show this summer for being so sweet and nice and adorable, but I also know that if Mockarena found out that a Mockdocker was alert and astute, and neglected to inform her of Robbie Williams working in the store she was currently entering, she would never forgive me. so i introduce myself
“hi! My name is MissJack, I read your blog, I know you have waiters sing to you so you wouldn’t be shy to ask also but I have to tell you Robbie Williams is WORKING in that store!”
So giggling and sqealing, and excitment ensue as we walk in and run up the stairs and we (natually becoming life-long friends) spend the rest of the day in a corner of the ladies department hiding behind a rack while you try to work up the courage to go up and say something without giggling like a 12 y/o girl.
….and that is when i woke up. Ill never know if you w ent up and met him. I am troubled by this for that reason alone and the fact that i NEVER remember dreams, and when i do, they arent comlete, but HOW could i have such a dream, and not send you an early-morning message? It can only mean one thing…We are meant to be life-long friends:)
thanks for the mocking…keep it up
MissJack

Here is the only problem I have with this dream. In Actual Life, there is no way I’d ever have to scrounge up courage to go talk to Robbie Williams. On the contrary, you would have to freaking HOLD ME BACK from not full-on hug-assaulting him.

Then again, in Actual Life, Robbie Williams would not be working as a cashier at a Target.

Anyway, I loved this dream. Even though it didn’t culminate in me meeting Robbie and Mr. Mock agreeing to let Robbie be co-married to me. Even though.

See this total stampede? Apparently, this is what French women do when H&M starts selling a new line of clothing.

I can’t imagine behaving this way unless Robbie Williams was in the store. And maybe not even then.

I think he makes a pretty fine looking astronaut.

Oh yeah – and there’s some singing in there too.

Simon Cowell got like, everyone who’s anyone, to remake REM’s Everybody Hurts to help out Haiti. The video is totally behind the music, and I don’t mean that in the way that means it gives you background and inside scoop on the song. I mean it’s literally behind. The pictures don’t go with the artist. BUT, everyone is eventually accounted for.

Most annoying line – Mariah Carey. BY FAR.

Best performance – Robbie Williams, whose line is just before the very end when the entire group sings together.

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

If I weren’t already married to the best man ever, and if Robbie Williams and David Beckham didn’t exist, then I would totally want to be married to John Krasinski. Or Paul Rudd. They are tied for 4th.

The stuff they do with the building windows – OMG. So cool. It all looks so bounce-ariffic and fun.

Except, this entire routine could be considerably improved if, instead of whatever horrible music that was they had playing in the background, they switched to, say, one of Robbie Williams’ albums.