The Mock Dock

According to this, Robbie Williams is being given an “Outstanding Contribution to Music” Brit Award in February.  He’s already won more of those Brit Award thingies than any other artist ever, in addition to selling more than 55 million albums.  Other folks to be honored with this specific award include Paul McCartney and U2.  So, you know, people who are kind of a Big Deal.

You naysayers need to just get on the Robbie train already.  His comeback is in full swing, the alien hunt is over, and he is awesome and perfect and BACK.

Today is a good day.

Guess what! Now, when you want to comment on a post, you can check the little box at the bottom of the comment screen if you want to be notified of follow up comments. HOW COOL IS THAT?

That means you’ll get email notified any time someone replies to something you’ve said, and you can come back to comment some more!  It’s just one of those things that I’m trying to do to enhance your experience here as a faithful Mockdocker. So comment away, alert and astute readers!

In case you are wondering what this has to do with Robbie Williams and his puppy, the answer is nothing.

According to this wicked and horrible and completely sadistic article, Robbie Williams says he’s never going to tour again. EVER.

Not even watching Glee tonight can ease my pain.

Do you realize what this means? I may never ever get to experience this:

(sobbing)

Robbie Williams’ new video for the single, Bodies, was released this morning, and it is totally awesome.  And they’ve set it up so that you can’t watch it unless you share it with someone else – either via email or on facebook or whatever – so I shared it via email with myself just to see it, but I can’t figure out how to actually post it here, so you’re either going to have to go to robbiewilliams.com to watch it or you’re just going to have to take my word for it that it’s totally fantastic and perfect.  And that picture is from it.  You’ll notice how NOT GAY he looks in it.

Mr. Mock and I are waiting (me with glee and anticipation and him with dread) for a tour announcement so we can figure out where in the holy hell we’re going to see him in concert next year!  Woot!

So what are you all doing this evening?

Mr. Mock and I are hanging out at home – doing a whole lot of nothing.  I love that this is a long weekend SO MUCH.  And my thumb burn is much better – thanks to all of you for your concern.

It’s been a pretty good day, really. My other site has really started to take off, which makes me happy. It has reached well over 1000 fans on facebook now, which oddly makes me a little jealous on behalf of The Mock Dock, since we’re sitting here hovering around the 225 mark. Alert and astute mockdockers have been vastly outnumbered by clever and competent COTR readers. This makes me simultaneously thrilled and bummed.

Speaking of facebook, if you’re a mockdock facebook fan, you know I’m all excited about Robbie Williams’ new single coming out soon, which had a sneak peek video teaser released today:

I’m not IN LOVE with the song. YET. But that’s only because I haven’t heard the whole thing. But I love his snarly face and I love that he’s finally releasing a new album and I love that that means he’ll tour and that maybe I’ll get to see him and I just love him.

So really – a pretty good day. You?

You guys guess WHAT!  I just got an email that Robbie Williams has a new album coming out on November 9th!!!! OMG!  It’s called Reality Killed The Video Star, and the first single comes out in October and OMG do you realize what this MEANS???

HE IS PROBABLY GOING TO TOUR NEXT YEAR OMG.

If you’re Mr. Mock, and you’re reading this right now, you’re likely looking around for someone who can just kill you now, so that you don’t have to endure what is likely to be ENDLESS TALKING about this.  Mr. Mock – honey – you realize of course that we have to figure out a way to go see him in concert, right?

You know this.

Which reminds me – if you want to start contributing to the Mockarena-Has-To-Go-See-Robbie-Williams-In-Concert fund, look for the donate button under the google ads on the right hand side of your screen. 

I’ve heard the name “Jonas Brothers” now and again, but since I’m old, and they’re like 14, I haven’t cared enough to write about them. Until now. This is video footage taken by certifiably INSANE Joe Jonas fans, of their reaction to him crying on stage. Why he’s crying makes no difference. LISTEN TO THE FANS. The one that sounds the most insane, correct me if I’m wrong, sounds like a grown woman. As in, not a teenager. As in, in desperate need of some valium.

Now before someone gets all, “So what, Mock – you didn’t scream at the Britney concert? You don’t think it was immature of you to go to see Britney?” let me just clarify a couple of things. First of all, I totally cheered at the Britney concert. Cheering and screaming like an insane psychopath are two different things. Secondly, I am the first to admit it was totally immature to go see Britney. I fully embrace my immaturity in that respect. But I’m telling you right now, if Britney had broken into a full-on sob at her concert, I would have looked at Daisy and Leroy, giggled, and then hopped on line to mock her for it. The only person allowed to cry without fear of mockery at his own concert is Robbie Williams. BEHOLD:

See how choked up he gets at the end? At all of the overwhelming love people have for him?

Ok – who am I kidding. If I’d been at that Robbie concert, I would have been crying and screaming every bit as much as the insane Jonas Brothers chick.

Never mind.

I mean, COME ON.

This is currently Robbie Williams’ profile picture on his facebook fan page.  How much do you want to just squeeze on that face and nuzzle on those ears and plant shmooshy kisses on that cute little mouth?

And the dog is precious too!

Here’s a helpful hint if you’re trying to save money, or even if you’re simply trying to avoid spending money.

Never ever ever ever ever shop with Daisy.

Daisy is like the worst possible person to take shopping with you if you are trying to avoid buying something.  Let me tell you about our lunch hour.

We went to Marshall’s, because she wanted to find a couple of tops.  I wanted to look for a pair of simple tan flats that would replace the ones I’ve worn for the past 4 years and which are currently being held together (barely) with just a few remaining threads of leather.  And while she looked for tops, I scoured the shoe aisles, with absolutely no luck finding a good replacement pair.  And then it happened.

I heard the voices of angels, and a light shone onto the most perfect shoes I have ever seen.  In the clearance aisle, no less.

But here’s the thing.  These shoes were not replacement shoes.  These shoes were shoes that were absolutely unnecessary.  They were gorgeous, dark brown, 4 inch closed-heeled sandals which I couldn’t have needed any less.  I mean, I HAVE dark brown leather sandals already.  And they’re sandals I can actually walk in.  The shoes in Marshall’s were higher than anything else I’ve worn ever.  But they were SPEAKING TO ME.  Along with a chorus of angels.  Conducted by Robbie Williams.  Naked.  (KIDDING – just want to make sure Mr. Mock is reading this and not skimming).

So I put them on, and hobbled my way over to where Daisy was, and I said, “LOOK at these shoes.”  And she gasped and said, “OMG – they’re fabulous.  And they’re TAHARI.”  This meant nothing to me since I’m painfully ignorant about shoe brands unless they’re Merrells or Christian Louboutins, and I only know of Louboutins because of Daisy’s tutelage.  So I said, “Is that good?” and Daisy said, “YES.  Taharis are fabulous.  You have to get them.” 

So this is when my conscience kicked into high gear.  My conscience said, “Mock.  Seriously.  You don’t need these shoes.  You can’t even WALK in these shoes.  It doesn’t matter that they were originally $100 and now they’re only $49.99.  That’s still a preposterous amount of money to spend on shoes that you don’t need and can’t walk in.”  So I repeated what my conscience said to Daisy.  And you know what she said?

She said, “Mock.  What would Victoria Beckham do?”

Now I ask you.  How was I supposed to argue with that? 

And further, she said, “I read once that Victoria Beckham said she herself had to practice in order to learn how to walk in high heels.”

“Victoria Beckham had to learn to walk in heels?”  I thought.  Well, if SHE had to practice, then certainly I could practice and learn to walk in them too.  And maybe, just maybe, I could attain just a tiny fraction of her fabulousness.

So I said, “You are the worst person to talk someone out of buying something they don’t need EVER.”  And Daisy said, “Yes.  Yes I am.  I will never ever ever tell you to NOT buy something.  Especially if it’s a pair of Tahari shoes.  Just look at the BOX they come in, for God’s sake.  I am going to LICK it.”

And she’s right. Even the BOX is fabulous.  And the soles of the shoes are gold with the word “Tahari” embossed into them.  So I think you know how this turns out.  I’m now the owner of an absolutely delicious pair of Tahari sandals.  I told Mr. Mock this story when he got home, and then I tried them on and showed them to him.  He said, “They are pretty cute.  But you’re going to break your ankles.”  Such is his confidence in my ability to channel Victoria.

Anyway, I’ve been practicing since I got home, and I think I’m getting better.  It’s hard work being fabulous, you guys.  But I’m determined. 

And you know what? You may not like them, and that’s ok.  We’re not going to have the same taste in everything.  See here, for example.  But I am so totally in love with these shoes I can barely contain myself.  I may sleep with them tonight.  So even if they result in two busted ankles, I’m going to be thanking Daisy for getting me one step closer to Victoria’s fabulosity.  BEHOLD:

LOVE.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me a link to a site where you can get step by step instructions on how to make an anti-alien-abduction hat.

And you guys, I think it’s legit.  And by legit I of course mean that’s batcrap crazy, but the dude who is the “inventor” of said hat GENUINELY BELIEVES that he’s created an anti-alien-abduction hat.

Now, in order to make that hat work, you apparently use Velostat, which scrambles telepathic communication between aliens and humans.  And see – if an alien can’t take over your mind, he’s not going to be interested in abducting you. It’s very simple, really.

My favorite part of the description, by FAR, is when it says that ”The thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans.  Only four failures have been reported since 1998.”

There’s pictures and tons more hilarity at the site.  Check it out!  And feel free to add any Robbie Williams-related snark in the comments.