The Mock Dock

I was aware that Chastity Bono got a sex change operation (and is now Chaz Bono), but I had no idea she was in the process of becoming Rosie O’Donnell.

Rosie O’Donnell.  And I’m not just saying that because I can’t stand her personality (which I can’t).  I’m saying it because with each passing day, she looks more and more like a werewolf.

Off topic – Junior Mock FINALLY got his H1N1 vaccine today!  YAY!  So, you know, he and the Gitmo prisoners are safe(r) now.  And in true Junior Mock form, when the needle first went in, his bottom lip came waaaay out, but then he started to giggle.  It’s like pain sort of startles him at first, but then he finds it sort of hilarious.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo, and I can’t be certain but I think it’s Rosie O’Donnell and Ryan Seacrest.

…here is a picture of Rosie O’Donnell looking like crap.

You guys probably heard her variety show last week was an utter flop.  I’m not going to lie to you, that makes me happy.  It would make me happier still if she just disappeared altogether.

Rosie O’Donnell.  HATE.  There’s something about her voice that makes me want to punch MYSELF in the face, just so I can have different pain to focus on instead of what feels like auditory rape.

Word on the street is that she is going to host a variety show special for Thansgiving.  And it’s going to be an hour long.  Happily, I will be en route to GA at precisely the time it’s airing, so I won’t feel compelled to subject myself to it.  This means, however, that you all need to watch it and send me stuff to mock about it.

Already showing enormous creativity, the show will be entitled Rosie’s Variety Hour. It promises a monologue (joy!), celebrity guests, musical guests, comedy skits, and giveways for people who actually show up or watch it on tv.  

You know, I remember loving all the variety shows that were on when I was a kid.  I remember loving the Carol Burnett show SO MUCH, and I even watched the Mandrell sisters.  Seriously, I am that old.  Are the Mandrell sisters even alive anymore?

Anyway, brace yourselves for Rosie.

According to notoriously wrong gossip Cindy Adams, it’s possible that even Rosie O’Donnell’s own wife is sick of Rosie O’Donnell.  It was only a matter of time.  I cannot STAND Rosie O’Donnell.  She has one of those voices which makes me seriously consider whether or not the ability to hear is actually worth it.  And I hate that she writes “poetry” which is really just an excuse for her to not use punctuation or capital letters or really anything that could be recognized as English when she writes.  And I hate that you now know I’ve actually read her blog sometimes.  Forgive me, mockdockers.

HATE.

Wow. Next to Rosie O’Donnell, Danny Noriega seems far less irritating than usual.

This is a screenshot of a video that Kathy Griffin made with Rosie O’Donnell.  Kathy Griffin I can tolerate in small doses, but Rosie O’Donnell is one of the most insufferable landbeasts to ever roam the earth.

Anyway, I didn’t make it through the whole video, because I became annoyed as soon as Kathy started talking about how much her outfit cost.  But I did find it hilarious that some poor woman in the background had the unfortunate task of trying to make Rosie O’Donnell look good (note the make-up brush aimed at landbeast’s face).   Actually, maybe “good” is too optimistic.  Make that “human”.

At any rate, it was a miserable failure.

Between the red cape Stepford wife, the Scientology freak, Muscle-arms, Unibrow, and Crazy Liberal Lesbian, we’ve got ourselves a circus here.

I know, I know.  We have quite a few “I Hate….” categories here at the MockDock.  And we do genuinely hate those people.  But Rosie ODonnell is one of those people whose voices literally make me want to gouge out my own eyes.  If I had a choice between spending 15 minutes in an enclosed room with Rosie and gnawing off my own foot, for example, I’d have some serious deliberation to do.

Anyway.

Rosie has apparently posted a big bunch of nonsense on her blog about how Britney is comparable to Princess Di in that her life is being destroyed by paparazzi.  The whole rant makes Britney look like a victim, when in fact she herself creates the swarm of attention surrounding her by doing stupid stuff like HAVING SEX WITH ONE OF THE PAPARAZZI in the middle of a store dressing room (see the post a few lines down from this one).