Madonna has decided that Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to come to her concert. This is, naturally, in keeping with the liberal tenet of tolerance and respect for others’ opinions. I’m sure it’s also totally devastating for Sarah. According to the NY Post, Madonna said, during her New Jersey concert, that ”Sarah Palin can’t come to my party. Sarah Palin can’t come to my show. It’s nothing personal.” And THEN, she proceeded to tell the following “joke”: “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin’s husband’s snowmobile when it won’t start!” She then made a loud screeching noise.
Isn’t that hilarious? Aren’t you just rolling with laughter over that one? Madonna should quit singing and start a comedy tour, because that is WASTED TALENT right there, everyone. WASTED.
Sandra Bernhard. Aside from being one of the most physically repulsive women on the planet, she’s just a hideous beast of a person. I’m a relatively mild-tempered, even-keeled person, but she is one of those women about whom I would use the c-word. And you know what word I’m talking about. The cutest thing happened this evening, which is that my dad, who is like the cutest pocket-dad ever, and he weighs like 78 pounds and is as mild-mannered as you could ever imagine, called Sarah Barnhard the c-word. It was ADORABLE.
Anyway, you may have heard the most recent news about her viciousness towards Sarah Palin in a recent “comedy” routine. In it, she said, if Palin were to visit New York, that Sara would be “gang-raped by my big black brothers.” I’m not making this up.
Sarah Palin won’t bother being offended by that, because it’s just stupid and Sarah has already dealt with far more vicious attacks than that. But you know who SHOULD be offended? BLACK MEN. This is the image Sandra Bernhard apparently has of black men – that they’re gang rapists.
I do not think Cameron Diaz is pretty. I think she’s very LIKEABLE. But I do not think she’s pretty. I think she has stringy hair and that she looks tired a lot. I also think her smile is way too wide. In this picture, for example, she is BARELY SMILING, and yet the corners of her mouth are like 12 miles away from each other. When she smiles full blast, I think she can actually lick her own ears.
I am soooo grumpy this evening. You know those days that you have at work where the idea of being run over by a semi sounds better than anything you have on your to-do list? Yeah. That’s the day I had. And it’s not even over, because there are about 14,872 more fires I need to put out before I go to bed. So I just need to tell you, I might not be as posty as usual this evening. Plus, the Veep debate is on tonight, you know. Which means I’m going to be staying up waaaay past my bedtime watching Biden McTooth and Palin McSpectacles square off.
I just need to tell you that this will be a mock-free post. I am utterly mockless right now, when I say that I am TOTALLY IMPRESSED by Obama’s reaction to the Palin “controversy.” He said, “I have said before and I will repeat again: People’s families are off limits. And people’s children are especially off-limits. This shouldn’t be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin’s performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president. So I would strongly urge people to back off these kinds of stories. You know my mother had me when she was 18 and how a family deals with issues and teenage children, that shouldn’t be a topic of our politics.”
He further said, when asked if his campaign had contributed to the rumors: “I am offended by that statement. There is no evidence at all that any of this involved us. Our people were not involved in any way in this, and they will not be. And if I thought there was somebody in my campaign who was involved in something like that, they would be fired.”
This is the absoluteBEST response his campaign could have come out with, and I give him mad props for it.
We’ll now resume with our regularly scheduled mocking.
This whole election just keeps getting weirder. First, some idiots over at the Daily Kos came up with some ridiculous conspiracy theory about Sarah Palin not actually being the mother of her newest child, Trig, and that in fact, the child belonged to Sarah’s eldest daughter Bristol. This is how afraid the people at the Daily Kos are that Palin could positively affect the McCain campaign. This is an example of the depths to which they will plunge. Some commenters there even speculated that Trig was the result of incest between Bristol and her father. Unreal.
But in a new and interesting twist, Sarah Palin announced today that Bristol is, in fact, pregnant at 17, and that she will marry the father (whose identity has not been released). McCain knew about it, didn’t feel like it was a big deal, and that’s pretty much where the story ends. Except that of course it WON’T end there, because people will insist on making an ENORMOUS DEAL OUT OF IT.
So McCain has chosen Sarah Palin as his running mate. I don’t know enough about her yet to decide if I’m on board or mortified, except that she appears to have a huge aversion to normal kid names. Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper are the names of her children. I am not making this up. Those aren’t nicknames – those are their actual names. What the hell??
So McCain has either just completely screwed up, or he’s BRILLIANT. Too early to tell for me. I like a whole lot of stuff about her, but she’s even less experienced than Obama, who is like, totally pubescent politically. If she’s half as good at melodramatic speeches as Obama is though, McCain could have a real shot at winning this thing.
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