Tag Archive for 'Spencer Pratt'

Oh Dear God No (version 2.0)

Published
by
Mockarena
on July 25, 2008
in Celebrity, General Observation and Mockery
. 2 Comments

You guys, Spencer Pratt, the douchiest douche of all douches, is contemplating posing for Playgirl.  In Touch Magazine says that Spencer would insist on a $1 million dollar payout <puke>.  When asked by reporters about the Playgirl deal, Spencer simply said, “As usual, Heidi and I are entertaining a lot of offers.” You know he said that with that dopey, douchetacular, crap-eating face, too.  HATE.

The only offer that should be given to Spencer Pratt is the kind where someone pays him a crapload of money to go away forever.  I think that’d be money well spent.

Oh Dear God No

Published
by
Mockarena
on July 22, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 4 Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are going to visit Iraq.  To perform for the troops.  Which clearly must mean that they are in bed with our worst enemies, because there is no way that the troops would see this as anything other than a blatant attack.  We can only hope that they are free to fire at will as soon as those two clowns are in sight.

And guess what else!  They are coming out with a video game.  Spencer said, “It’s top secret.  Get ready. All your wildest dreams are going to be in it.”

I don’t see how they can possibly be creating a video which contains me winning a $50 million dollar powerball AND punching both of them in the face, but I guess we’ll see.

You Know Who I Not Only Hate But Am Convinced Is Actually The Devil?

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 8 Comments

Spencer Pratt.  You guys, I’m pretty sure that the word “douchebag” was invented specifically for the purpose of him.

So a few days ago, Mary Kate Olsen was on Letterman to promote some movie, and somehow the conversation turned to Spencer, because I guess they went to school together.  Anyway, Letterman obviously wanted MKO to spill the beans on Spencer, and MKO ended up saying that Spencer played soccer at her high school, and that he “did not have a good temper. He would walk off the field.”

In the big scheme of things, that’s really not that big of a slam, right?  I mean, it’s not a compliment, but it’s pretty tame as far as insults go.  At least, it’s tame compared to the insults I have in my head ALL THE TIME about Spencer Pratt.  Anyway, Spencer caught wind of this slight, and naturally sprinted on over to the closest US Magazine reporter he could find and said this:

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though…She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

I’m not like some huge Mary Kate Olsen fan or anything, but I kind of hope that she uses her skabillions of dollars to hire someone to rip out all of Spencer’s fingernails, and then use them to scratch out his eyes, and then shove those eyeballs down his throat so that he can choke on them.

I might actually hate him more than Ashley Judd, which, as you all know, is saying something.

HATE.

LOOK!

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 15, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 4 Comments

BEHOLD: David Letterman exposing Spencer Pratt for being the total douchebag that he is. And behold Heidi Montag using that horrific valleygirl voice for which she is so universally hated.

p.s. I love David Letterman, but I would have been happy to see him be even meaner to Spencer. In fact, I would have been happiest to see him kick Spencer’s ass. In fact, I would have paid actual dollars to watch such an event.

Does This Anger You As Much As It Does Me?

Published
by
Mockarena
on May 30, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 1 Comment

Look at these two.  How much do they need to be punched in the face?

So now, in addition to some fool paying Spencer to write his own advice column, and in addition to allowing these two jokers to receive a salary for being on national TV on a regular basis, and in addition to paying them for various appearances, now Heidi and Spencer have a website that they call “Speidiweb” where they blog and list appearances and post various TOTALLY CANDID AND NOT AT ALL POSED PHOTOS, much like the one above, of themselves.  For which they are probably paid.

Forget war.  Forget global warming.  Forget poverty and disease.  Our next president has a bigger issue at hand - and it’s figuring out a way to eliminate these two from the collective consciousness of the entire nation.  I know I’m partially contributing to their publicity by even writing about them, but you see, this is my anger management outlet, so I feel as though I have a bit of an excuse.  Plus, you’ll notice I WILL NOT link to their site, nor will I even go to it to check it out. I refuse, and you should too. (Unless of course you want to check it out, report back in our comments section how lame it is, and then I can live vicariously through you).

Anyway.

HATE.

Spencer Pratt Should Be Shot

Published
by
Mockarena
on May 20, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 0 Comments

Here’s Spencer Pratt’s most recent advice column excerpt:

“Yo Spencer:  I’m gay but I hang out with a bunch of straight guys all the time.  A few nights ago, I hooked up with one of them; he then told all his friends that it had never happened and I made it up.  I don’t want to embarrass this guy, but I’m not a liar.  What do I do?”

Now.  I’ll be the first to point out that this guy is an idiot because he’s seeking advice from the biggest douchebag (and that might truly be official now) on the planet.  That said, it very well could be a legitimate pickle he finds himself in.  (Hee - get it?  I said pickle in relation to a gay dude).  Anyway, check out Spencer’s response:

“Next time you go out and party with this friend, make sure you bring your digital camera. When you start making out, take a photo and threaten to put it on Facebook if he keeps lying to your friends.  In this day and age, you need evidence to prove your case.”

I don’t even know if words exist to adequately mock this. 

My New Favorite Celebrity Feud

Published
by
Mockarena
on May 20, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 4 Comments

 

Do you want to hear the gayest thing ever?  Bruce Jenner, former athlete-turned-plastic-surgery-disaster-and-husband-to-Kim-Kardashian’s-mom, is having a war of words through the media with SPENCER PRATT.

I am not making this up.

Apparently, Bruce Jenner’s son, Brody, used to hang with Spencer, and then they fought over that retarded Lauren Conrad sex-tape scandal, and now they’re BFF again.  And about Spencer and other friends of Brody, Bruce said, “He’s been brought down by all his friends.  It’s not really him. He’s a homeboy.”

Yes.  You read that right.  Bruce Jenner, 58, just called his own son a “homeboy.”

Anyway, now Spencer is fighting back through US magazine, by saying, “That’s a bold statement for someone who only decided to try and be Brody’s father after Brody got famous. He should focus more on trying to be a father and worry less about Brody’s influences. Brody’s doing just fine.”

And Spencer Pratt writes an advice column, so he clearly has the upper hand in this fight.

GOD, I hate every single person from The Hills.  HATE.

You Know Who I Hate?

Published
by
Mockarena
on March 25, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 1 Comment

I really really hate Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag so much that I can actually feel my blood pressure rise whenever I see one of these obnoxious fake-happy photos of them. 

And guess what?  They are getting rich off of the country’s collective hatred for them.  Most recently, Spencer was given his own advice column in Radar magazine - and it’s called ”YO Spencer”.  I am not making this up.  And here is one of his Q&A’s:

YO SPENCER! I’ve met my girlfriend’s mother once and she really didn’t like me. We’re going to spend the weekend with her whole family and I need to win her over. What can I do to charm her?

The mother–daughter relationship is the tightest bond in history. You got beef with the mom, you got beef with the daughter. I would definitely say that when I first met Heidi’s mother, she wasn’t sure of me. I wasn’t on my game plan. If I could’ve done it over, I would’ve bought her mom chocolate and flowers. You need to be on your best game in terms of manners, language. Bring the saint inside of you out. Treat her daughter like a princess—it’s only for a weekend.’

So basically he is admitting in a public forum that he only treats Heidi well on weekends and in front of her mom.  Nice. 

Pulitzer Prize, Here He Comes

Published
by
Mockarena
on March 6, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 0 Comments

I’ve been trying to avoid referring to Perez Hilton for the past few months, because he gets 2 million visits per month and is a zillionaire, and we mockdockers get like 42 visits per month and are broke, and I’m insanely jealous of him because of his success, but there was NO WAY I COULD RESIST telling you that he is reporting that Spencer Pratt, douchebag to end all douchebags, may be WRITING AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

What could someone as retarded as Spencer Pratt have to write a book about - let alone an autobiographical one?  First of all, he’s like, what - 25?  So we’re talking about maybe 20 pages of material based on his tenure on the earth alone. 

Secondly, this is SPENCER PRATT we’re talking about.  He has about as much substantive material to write about as my two year old, and probably less. 

I find this whole idea so hilarious, that I will have to have a copy of this book, so that I can post excerpts of it and we can all mock it together.  Keep your fingers crossed that this will really happen, mockdockers!

Life and Times of the Faux Famous

Published
by
Dame Aufschneider
on February 21, 2008
in Celebrity and phooooooooooooot
. 2 Comments

 

I’m not making this up. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - who I have seen before on blog sites, but still I’m not sure who they are or why they are famous - are making a video game of their lives for your to play at home. I’m being serious.

“We’re definitely developing the Heidi and Spencer video game,” said Spencer to UsMagazine.com. “You can definitely play as us or you can play against us. You can even torture me.”

According to Pratt, there will be two versions of the game, the adult version and one for minors. “It’s top secret,” he assures Us. “Let’s just say everyone will be addicted.”

Riggggggggght. “Addicted.”  I was actually thinking of a word that starts with “N” and ends in “auseated”