Sorry that posting’s slow this weekend, mockdockers. I was out this morning and then this afternoon I was busy preparing for a bachelorette party that Daisy and I are hosting for Agent J tonight. Several weeks ago, we made reservations at Talbott Street in downtown Indy, which is a semi-famous gay/dragshow nightclub. And then just last week, we found out that it’s Gay Pride week here, which means the gays will be out en masse, which means that Talbott Street will be OUT. OF. CONTROL. I can’t wait. 
Agent J will be decked out in a bachelorette sash and tiara, and I’ve also purchased a shot glass with a little light-up penis inside of it – and the glass is on a string so that Agent J can wear it around her neck. Because what’s a bachelorette party without some obligatory penis props?
I found someone’s flickr page which shows pictures from this particular club. Ohhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyyyeah. This will be EPIC. Plus, it’ll be good preparation for Vegas.
Anyway, so that’s happening in a few hours. And then tomorrow we completely switch gears and participate in one of those lovely, fancy, tasteful and elegant bridal showers, which will be held at Agent J’s BEEYOOTIFUL home, and the weather is going to be spectacular and we’ll have dresses on and it will be a total turnaround from tonight.
So you see, that’s why posting is going to be on the slow side, mockdockers. And because I feel bad about it, here’s another epic photo of Tori Spelling’s cavernous boobular area, with bonus pregnant belly.
Tori Spelling and her husband are expecting another baby.
I know. I don’t care either. But an alert and astute mockdocker sent me a recent photo of her, and you guys, her boobs are STILL one of the weirdest set of boobs ever. They are just indescribably unfortunate.
Who among you finds Tori Spelling to be attractive? Because I don’t get it.
There can’t be any Actual Muscle left in her body, so you have to admit, that’s quite a feat. That chick is nothing but skin and bone.
Oh wait.
Make that skin, bone and silicone.
Have I mentioned to you all how much Tori Spelling’s boobs freak me out?
So, this Saturday night, Mr. Mock and I are going out to celebrate my birthday (even though my Actual Birthday isn’t for a couple weeks yet). Mr. Mock, without fail, is always gone on my Actual Birthday for work, and this year is no exception. Even though I am turning 40. Clearly, his employer doesn’t have a full grasp of how totally crazy I have the potential of becoming on my Actual Birthday, otherwise they might’ve reconsidered his scheduling. Anyway.
We’re going out for a fancy dinner and then to see the movie Hangover, which Daisy and Mr. Daisy already saw and which I have been DYING to see. Sunday morning, we’re headed to the Coach outlet store just to browse (insert all sorts of winking here). But the most important part of the birthday celebrating this weekend will be the part where I get to find out what fantastic spot Mr. Mock has chosen for my birthday vacation in early December. He has been keeping this secret for months now, and Saturday night I get to find out!!! I can hardly stand it.
What does this picture of Tori Spelling have to do with my birthday? Nothing, except that she’s wearing a bathing suit presumably somewhere on vacation, which is what I intend to do in December at a yet-undisclosed location, only my boobs will look normal.
I know it’s mean, but you guys, Tori Spelling is DESPERATELY unattractive. And I’m not even just talking about her anorexia. The hair on her enormous head looks like it was styled with saliva. Or perhaps the same product used in There’s Something About Mary.
Tori Spelling should probably never wear her hair like this again. She just looks like she’s auditioning for the remake of Victor, Victoria.
Also, when did she lose 80 pounds? She looks painfully painfully thin. I think her arms have so little weight to them now that they just probably float up like that all the time, and she has to actually be carrying something in order for them to stay down.
Hate.
It’s pretty sad that the person in this photo who most closely resembles an actual human female is Tori Spelling’s husband. Even with the beard, he still looks more naturally feminine than either of those other surgical nightmares.
You guys, sometimes I mock even when I don’t MEAN to. Case in point. I was on a website and saw this movie poster, but only the top half of it at first until I scrolled down more, and when I saw the top half, I was like, “Holy crap – what did Tori Spelling do to get arrested?!”
You know what I think we all need on this sunny Sunday? A reminder of how your breastular area should NOT look:
First it was Tori Spelling and Paula Abdul. Now it’s Audrina Patridge, who isn’t as much a celebrity as she is a total drain on society, but nevertheless, she’s well-known enough to be mocked. I am a heterosexual female, but most of you know that I will happily and readily admit when another woman has physical features which are desirable. For instance, remember when I commented on how awesome of an assular area Kate Hudson has?
But I cannot see ANYTHING attractive about Chipmunk Patridge’s boobular area. Either these are not attractive boobs, or this is the least flattering bikini top ever. Your thoughts?
He’s wearing MAROON TOENAIL POLISH.
And he’s married to a man.
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