The Mock Dock

All you haters, you CANNOT think she doesn’t look adorable here.  I mean, she’s wearing a puppy as a scarf, for crying out loud.  Best new fashion trend ever.

LOOK AT THE PERFECTION THAT IS THEM.

WHERE ARE VICTORIA’S HEELS?!?!?

My Victoria is guest hosting American Idol tonight, you guys. Obviously, I’ll be riveted to the TV and unable to post. So here’s a picture for you to make fun of:

Feast your eyes, mockdockers, on the most stylish and glamorous woman to inhabit our planet since Audrey Hepburn.  You don’t even need to see her face to know that this is Victoria Beckham.

Victoria – please.  Call me and give me a make-over.  I’m begging you.

No fewer than THREE mockdockers sent me a story about Victoria Beckham’s clothes being stolen, and suggested that it was ME whole stole them. Whaaaaa?

I would never steal clothes from Victoria.  I LOVE Victoria.  Besides, it’s very difficult to alter clothes so that they are BIGGER, which is obviously what I would have to do, since Victoria is an inhuman sized person, and I am a normal sized person.

What needs to happen is that Victoria needs to read all my posts about her, realize that we are destined to be friends, and then she’ll fly me out on weekends to go shopping, and she’ll insist on treating me to free samples from her entire clothing line, all in my size, and she’ll teach me to be more fabulous.  The hardest part will be the smiling.  I’m a HUGE smiler, particularly when there is a camera aimed in my general direction.  I don’t know that she’ll be able to break me of that habit.

But steal clothes from Victoria?  NEVER.  I am holding out hope that she’ll be friends with me someday.  And stealing wouldn’t make a very good first impression.

You guys, according to this, my beloved Victoria has bunions.

I’ll wait a moment while you reassess your entire life.

So, an alert and astute mockdocker linked me to the article, which highlights some of Vicky B’s best shoes, and also shows a picture of her bunions. What are we, as a society, supposed to DO with ourselves if Victoria Beckham has to take a break from high heels? How are we to go on?

I decided to do a youtube search on Victoria Beckham shoes, and I don’t know why I’m surprised at ALL by this, but there are a crapload of videos featuring her feet. Above is just ONE.

If you could go ahead and just add her bunioned feet to your prayer list tonight, that’d be great. Meantime, let’s just all try to move on with our lives as best we can.

(sniff)

BEHOLD:  Victoria Beckham casually taking her kids out for yogurt.  This is probably as casual as Vicky B can bring herself to look in public.  Casual for me equals flip flops and sweats.  Casual for Victoria is 5 inch heels and high fashion.

I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever being as awesome as she is, even after my Louboutins arrive.  Although when they DO, I will totally FEEL fabulous.  And you, poor mockdockers, will have to hear about it ad nauseum for a few days, just like when I got my new car.  But remember – I promised I’d calm down about my new car after a few days, and I totally did.  That’s how it’ll be with the shoes too.  I swear.

You guys, Mini-Mock, my BABY, is FOUR today. Can you even stand it? FOUR. And you know how much I’ve loved three. I can’t begin to imagine how four could be better. We’re headed over to Grandma and Grandpa Mock’s house for a little family party this evening after work, and then tomorrow, Bunny and Mr. Bunny are taking Mini-Mock to Lucas Oil Stadium to get him a Dallas Clark #44 jersey, which he’s been begging for FOREVER.

Did I ever tell you guys my Dallas Clark story? I feel like I haven’t. And it’s such a good story. If Dallas Clark wasn’t your favorite Colts player already, then he probably will be once you read this story. I wrote a letter to Dallas Clark about 2 years ago, and instead of telling you the story, I’ll let the letter do it for me:

January 11, 2008

Dear Mr. Clark:

I am compelled to write to you today to thank you for the kind attention you gave to my son Junior Mock at Target a week or so ago. Junior Mock is an 11 year old severely disabled boy confined to a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy, and even though he is unable to communicate, I know you made an impact on him.

When Junior Mock’s daily caregiver, J, called me at work to tell me that Junior Mock had just had his first brush with fame, I was so appreciative that you took the time to comment on his handsomeness, and ask questions about him, and most of all – TALK to him. Many people are too uncomfortable to try and interact with him, and it’s understandable given his circumstances. It’s why your simple gesture of goodwill toward him meant so much, and also why it brightened the day of so many people with whom I shared this story.

Now, admittedly, J isn’t a sports fan, and it took several other people at Target to tell her who you were for her to realize that she and Junior Mock had been chatting it up with a Colts player. But for me, that’s just icing on the cake. This wasn’t about you seeking out an opportunity to impress anyone or demonstrate to the public how charitable and compassionate you are. You were simply being….YOU. And that speaks volumes about your character.

I am proud to live in a city which is so well represented by its professional football team. You’ve given us another great story to tell about our Colts, and specifically the #44 tight end! Junior Mock’s 11th birthday is today, January 11, and we bought him a #44 jersey as a special tribute to his new favorite player (see below photograph).

Many thanks again for taking time out of your day to make a very sweet boy (and his family!) feel extra special. Best of luck to you and the rest of the Colts in the playoffs!

All the best,
Mockarena (Junior Mock’s proud mom)

Seriously – is that not the best story ever?

And here’s more good news.  Remember several weeks ago when I told you about that awesome breakfast we had with KT the serenading server?  We went back there today, and even though he wasn’t on shift, we chatted with a couple of the other servers who told us that the management team had made a huge fuss over him, and that several people have been into the restaurant since specifically looking for “the guy who sings at breakfast.”  KT has become a local celebrity!  Isn’t that the cutest?

And guess what else!  Mr. Mock ordered me some Christian Louboutins for our anniversary!  THE KIND VICTORIA BECKHAM WEARS.  Only she buys hers directly from Christian Louboutin himself, probably over cocktails, and mine are being shipped from Shanghai. BUT STILL.

I will post all sorts of pictures when they arrive.

YAY!

I saw some photos from some Prada event, and two celebrity outfits caught my attention:

That’s Chloe Sevigny, who, as I’ve told you before, I think is one of the most plainly average boring looking women on the planet, and I cannot understand how anyone finds her attractive.  Especially in this outfit.  And then there’s this chick:

At first, I thought this was Jada Pinkett Smith, but it’s not, and I care far too little to look up who it Actually Is.  But she’s a celebrity of some sort, following Chloe’s lead by wearing an outfit in which the focal point is the bra.

I think this goes without saying by now, but there is only one woman who could pull off such an obnoxiously stupid fashion trend, and her name is Victoria Beckham.  And even if she wore it, I’d probably say, “It’s not my FAVORITE Victoria outfit, but she’s flawless nonetheless.”

You know whose dress I did like from this Prada event thingy?  Cristina Ricci’s:

I don’t like the big ornament hanging out on her shoulder, but I am LOVING the color and cut of this dress.  LOVE IT.