Because they have come out with the Beckham Easter Egg Collection. And yes, they are actually edible.
I would totally snark on this more if it wasn’t for charity, but it turns out it IS for charity, and for kids no less. And even though I know I’m already going to hell, I would at least like a good seat down there. So sorry - no snarking on the Beckham Eggs. Or Beggs, as I affectionately like to refer to them.
What sort of marketing genius are you if you can charge $3600 for a pair of shoes that look like these, and actually get celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman and even my beloved-but-let’s-face-it-ridiculous Victoria Beckham to buy them?
A spokesperson for Antonio Berardi, the “designer” who created these monstrosities, said the following:
“When walking, you have to put your toe rather than your heel down first and you cannot wear them for very long. They are not dangerous because you would have to lean quite far back before you fell over.”
This is what he said about a PAIR OF SHOES. And people are still buying them.
I have decided that I would like to create a new backwards bra. One whose cups end up sitting on your shoulder blades, and then the hook closure is in the front, with just the flimsy straps covering your nipular area. And then I would like Antonio Berardi to do the marketing for this. Because clearly the dude knows how to make money selling completely impractical, uncomfortable, horrific looking products for women.
If anyone had doubts about whether or not celebrities are idiots, look no further than the jokers who bought these stupid shoes.
There is something about Celine Dion which makes me snicker anytime I see a photo of her. She’s just so utterly ridiculous. So imagine my delight at finding this. I had the weirdest thought process when I saw it. At first, I thought wow - there’s something about the way her skinny little chicken neck looks in this picture that makes it seem like if she took her hands away from her chin, her head would roll right onto the ground. And then I thought, if that happened, wouldn’t it be hilarious if it rolled right onto a soccer field, and then David Beckham started kicking it around? And then I thought that maybe Victoria Beckham would yell at him to stop kicking Celine’s head, so that she could get a chance to take that ridiculous African headdress off of it.
Anyway. That’s what I thought when I saw this picture. I’m sure you did too.
Oddly enough, my husband too, wears t-shirts with naked pictures of me on them. So weird!
Either that, or Mel B was about to trip and grabbed the closest substance hard enough to help break her fall.
I’m a fan, Victoria, but when preparing for a night on the town, and using a spray tanner, don’t forget to match your face to the rest of you. Or, use just 15 pounds of foundation instead of your normal 25.
Oh yeah - consider a sandwich, too.
At a recent Spice Girls concert, it became apparent that Victoria Beckham is growing a testicle from her right breast.
I’ve tried and tried to stop myself, but I can’t. I totally love this couple. Victoria is so absurd but she knows how absurd she is. She embraces her absurdity. And even though David sounds like a 12 year old boy whose voice hasn’t quite done the man-up thing yet, he gets a pass because, well, he looks like THAT. And I love that they genuinely seem normal in interviews, even though they could afford to buy several countries and are more recognizable than most world leaders.
There. I said it. I love the Beckhams. Sign me up for a 12-step program.
Victoria Beckham has a sister, Louise, pictured at left above. So now we know what Victoria would look like without make-up, huge sunglassses, plastic surgery and an eating disorder.
Last night, David Beckham scored his first goal since joining his new US team. And, since soccer, like hockey, is one of those games where making a goal is a Big Deal (not like basketball where they score every second), there was certainly just cause for his family, friends, and fans to celebrate. Which, as you can see from the photo above, they did.
Except of course for one lone exception - that being his wife, seen clapping but looking more constipated than she does happy or proud. His kids and other friends are over the moon with joy, and all Victoria can muster is a weak clap. I’ve seen sloths react with more enthusiasm.
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