The Mock Dock

OMG YOU GUYS WASN’T IT AMAZING!??!?!?

First of all, Kate Middleton looked totally flawlessly beautifully gorgeously perfect.

I mean, this dress is just everything it was supposed to be only way more.  My only beef with this is the bouquet, which is way too small and way too cheap looking.  But the dress?  EXQUISITE.

And her sister Pippa?  OMG BEANPOLE.  Gorgeous, perfect beanpole.

Just unspeakably beautiful.  I can’t even TAKE how gorgeous they are.  I was at Leroy’s this morning with some of her family and friends, and we were all just in awe.

The Queen looked like an Easter egg, but she’s so old at this point I don’t think she can even help it.  Kate’s mom, who looks like the long lost sister of Anjelica Huston, looked gorgeous in her icy blue, and even Camilla looked ok:

But Fergie’s daughters were total disasters.  LOOK AT HOW WRETCHED they were:

They can’t be serious, right?  I mean, they did this as some sort of huge joke, or as a dare, or SOMETHING.  Because everything is wrong.  EV.ERY. THING.

Harry’s girlfriend was also kind of a trainwreck:

You can’t really tell in that photo, but she’s too tan.  And she needed a brighter lipstick.  And she needed to wear the same COLOR on both top and bottom.  Or just something else entirely.  Ick.

Naturally, my Victoria and David looked AMAZING.  I MEAN LOOK AT THEM.

I just couldn’t love them any harder.  And look at her shoes.  She’s ready to birth a child, and yet she’s in like 8 inch Louboutins.  I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Anyway, I’m basking in after-wedding happiness right now.  I’ll mock something later.

They are an INSANELY beautiful couple.  Ridiculous.  I would kill for her hair.  And I’m officially irritated that this magazine is not available for purchase in the US.  That I know of.

Excerpt from the article: “An excitable Robbie couldn’t contain his pride as he saw his beautiful bride for the first time, explaining that ‘Ayda looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. The setting was so magical, and to be surrounded by family and close friends and then see Ayda appear looking so radiant was almost too much for me to take… I’m the happiest man alive‘”.

Awww. Doesn’t he sound so sweet, so romantic, so heterosexual?

LOVE.

Sorry there wasn’t much posting yesterday, mockdockers, but our day was consumed with wedding preparation stuff and actual wedding stuff and post-wedding stuff.  It was such a glorious day!

So I think I told you that Junior Mock’s caregiver, J, was getting married.  I don’t recall, though, if I have ever told you that J has been Junior’s caregiver and best friend for SEVEN YEARS now.  And so naturally, she’s pretty much part of the family.  And over the course of that seven years, J’s entire family has become part of our family.  Her parents are like a third set of grandparents to both our boys.  You just can’t begin to comprehend what a loving, devoted family they are to each other and to us.  We are so lucky to have them all in our lives.

So it was fitting that both our boys were co-ringbearers at yesterday’s festivities.  And they performed PERFECTLY.  I walked them both down the aisle, pushing Junior’s wheelchair while Mini-Mock held his hand alongside him.  They were DARLING, and I’m hoping that the professional photographer captured that moment on film!  Here’s a picture of Junior seeing his J after a whole week apart (she’s been busy getting ready for her big day!):

You can see it all over his face how much he missed her and how elated he was to see her again.  I’m not sure how he’s going to be able to STAND it without her for the next two weeks, but can guarantee the reunion will pretty much look just like that (only without the fancy clothes).

Mini-Mock was equally handsome in his digs:

We headed to the reception, which was held at the same place that Mr. Mock and I had OUR reception, so that was super fun and romantic and stuff.  Both Mr. Mock and I requested, at separate times, for the DJ to play our song, and when it started playing, he told me that he requested it, and I told him I requested it, and we giggled and got busy dancing to Let’s Get It On, because that is our song, even though it’s inappropriate.

At toast time, J’s dad delivered an unbelievably sweet and touching and highly emotional toast, much of which was devoted, to my surprise, to Junior Mock and his impact on their whole family.  You guys, you should have SEEN our table.  I was bawling, my mom was bawling, my sister was bawling – it was a total sobfest.  And afterwords we all went up to hug J’s dad, which got everyone bawling again.  They are just the sweetest family on earth.  I just don’t even have words to aptly describe their GOODNESS.  It’s just not of this world.

Junior Mock was SHOWERED with attention, particularly on the dance floor.  His friend and old bus aide, Randy, was there, and they danced and danced:

And then J requested Lady Gaga’s Poker Face for Junior Mock, because inexplicably that is his favorite song, and they danced some more:

It was such a special and perfectly gorgeous day, and my boys were so well-behaved and so well-loved.

We are a lucky lucky family.

I know this isn’t mockable stuff, but you know that I like to use The Mock Dock as my personal journal every now and then, so you just have to deal until I can find the next landbeast photo or horrific picture of a celebrity.

Apparently, those are some Kardashians, and one of them just got married to someone.  I can’t force myself to care any more than that.  I’m sorry.

Totally off-topic – you know what I did today?  I got to work, and opened up my calendar, and noticed that the very first note-to-self on there was a very cryptic message that read as follows:  “Follow up with SW.”

Now, on first glance, I immediately thought of someone at work who happens to have those initials, but then I remembered that when I originally wrote that note-to-self, I specifically said to myself, “Self – remember when you read this note in a couple of weeks that it has nothing to do with SW (meaning the person with whom those initials are associated).”

But here’s the thing.  I could not, for the life of me, remember what SW stood for.

It wasn’t until lunchtime that all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, it hit me.  SW stood for SHAKEWEIGHT!  And my note to self was a reminder that if I hadn’t received my shakeweight by today, that I should call them to follow up.

This should serve as a lesson that if you ever write a note to yourself, it is helpful to spell stuff out.

Just fyi.

According to this, Salma Hayek married her bazillionaire on-again, off-again boyfriend this past weekend in Paris.  I bet it was that whole story about Salma’s boobs feeding starving children thing that finally convinced him that she was a keeper.  You can hardly blame him – they are spectacular.

Was it worse than this?  Because this is pure terror perskankified.

But even as skankalicious as these are, their whoridness PALES in comparison to the bride’s “gown.”  Check it out, after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Have You Ever Been Forced To Wear A Horrid Bridesmaid Dress?’

Do you guys remember when Gabone posted about the biggest landbeast on the planet, Manuel Uribe?  Well sorry to disappoint all the ladies, but he’s taken now.

Yup – Manuel Uribe got hitched.  And as you might expect, it was an kind of an ordeal.  Remember, the dude hasn’t left his bed in SIX YEARS.  But somehow, he got himself into a white silk shirt, wrapped a sheet around his legs, and a flatbed truck was brought in to haul him in his custom-made bed to the event location, where he watched his bride, Claudia, walk down a flight of stairs towards him.  FOUR HUNDRED PEOPLE came to the ceremony.  And for the traditional first dance?  The bride and groom held hands and swayed.  

Manuel’s mom insists he stayed away from the gigantic wedding cake during the reception. Good for him!

The wedding is expected to air on a future Discovery Channel documentary.  Manuel said, “I have a wife and will form a new family and live a happy life.” 

Yeah.  The “forming a new family” thing.  Yikes.  I’m going to go out on a limb here, and just make the assumption that Claudia is typically on top.  How’s that for a happy little visual?

Next weekend Mr. Bunny and I are going to a wedding.  Contrary to lots of folks’ (mostly husbands) opinions about going to weddings, I love love love love LOVE them!  Now that my own wedding day is long gone, going to other peoples’ weddings gives me a chance to renew my own marital spirit, reminisce about the magical ceremony Mr. Bunny and I shared, and stuff myself with cake.

However, there is one dark cloud that hangs over every wedding I attend:  my pathetic dancing.  Unlike my sister Mock, who was the star of her high school glee club (jazz hands ‘n everything!), in my formative years, I was much too busy listening to Ozzy and experimenting with marijuana to ever really learn how to dance.  So I am always nervous whenever there is a chance I may need to put my boogie shoes on.  To get an idea of how awful my dancing is, imagine a carrot having an epileptic seizure. 

So imagine my delight at discovering this clip.  I totally know all these moves!